Best Funny Jokes - Latest Hindi English Jokes

A girl was very proud of her boy friend, she always tell her friends how good her boy friend is. On the day of her birthday, she invited all her friends including her boy friend who happends to be the special guest of honour. Everybody brought their gifts to the girl and was waiting for the arrival of the girl's boy friend who promised to bring a very nice gift for his girl. As everybody was waiting, behold! The boy was coming with a gift which was inside a poly bag. The girl was very happy at the arrival of his boy friend and was ready to see the gift that he brought to her. Do you know what happend? The boy just opend the poly bag in front of all the guest's and invitees. And he brought out a loaf of bread. And said to the girl..."take this bread, thats what i broght for you as your birthday gift" The girl got angry immediaty and was highly disappointed at her boy friend. She grab the bread and threw it away with anger. The boy friend also got disappointed and he r

FACEBOOK UPDATES BY GIRLS AND REACTIONS 1. Oouch my boobs hurt (160 Likes/50 comments) 2. Am bored who want to take me on a date (115 Likes/80 comments) 3. I missed my period (70 Likes/25 comments) 4. Who want to watch porn movies with me (217 Likes/60 comments) 5. My pussy is horny (300 Likes/150 comments) Boy'z UPDATE 1. God is good (0 Likes/ 1comment) God is watching

1. What's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some Vitamin me. 2. I got u something special baby, it's the condom I used when I lost my virginity. 3. If you were a Porsche, I'd wax and ride you all over town. 4. Do you handle chickens because your good with cocks 5. I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn". 6. Girl you're sweet as candy, can I taste u "Now And Later" 7. Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel? 8. Do you have a name, or do angels just have pretty faces? 9. Hey do you have an extinguisher cause your on FIRE! 10. Blow me you fat ugly hoe 11. I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free. 12. "I'll be the Burger King, and you'll be the Dairy Queen... You treat me right, and I'll do it your way." 13. hey baby, thats a nice shirt, can i talk you out of it! 14. I know milk does a body good, but damn girl,

  Latest AAP series.... दिल्ली के चुनाव से एक बात तो सब को समझ में आगाई होगी की बीजेपी के अलावा किसी भी पार्टी को वोट देना मतलब कॉंग्रेस को वोट देना होता है । ----------------------------  AAP is fighting against corruption with the help of Congress sounds like ISI is fighting against Terrorism with d help of Taliban. ------------------------------  """"हारकर # जीतनेवाले को "कांग्रेस" कहते है भीख माँगकर सरकार बनाने वालो को " # आप" कहते है""""  ----------------------------  कुछ लोग AAP और CONGRESS को अलग समझते थे.... कितना समझाया था कि कि 'गंगाधर' ही 'शक्तिमान' है! .........अब भुगतो  ---------------------------  32 सीटों वाली भाजपा केवल 4 विधायकों का इंतजाम नहीं कर पायी...! 8 सीटों वाली कांग्रेस ने,28 विधायकों का इंतजाम कर लिया...!!!  ------------------------  "Hey There! I'm using Arvind Kejriwal" - Sheila Dikshit's

Bande hai hum uske...hum pe kis ka zor . .gand marunga uski jo bolega dekho dhoom 4.

When Sania Mirza and Ayesha Takia hug each other.. ..it should be called "Clash of the TITanS" 

Ladies: If a man does all the things from your favorite movies... It is your responsibility to do all the things from his favorite movies.

My new year resolution is to increase my Facebook friend list to at least 5000. For this, I am launching my own . .. ... .... Aam Add-Me Party!

If movies were made by drinkers... Soda Akbar Rab Ne Pila di Thodi Rum de basanti Hum tight ho chuke sanam Beer Zara Bevde Zameen Par Ek Tha Bagpiper Talli six Rum Maro Rum Maine Drink Tujko Diya Bewdy Rathore Hickk Hick Hota Hai DaaruDas Hum Tunn Maine Neat Kyu Piya Peg Liya To Chakna Kya Ulti Kar Di Aapne Whiskiya Pinewale Baatliyaa Le Jayenge....!Cheers!

Beautiful poem about Life- I've seen castles made out of sand, Met people who believe destiny is engraved on the palm of their hands..!! I've seen people change their faith, Experienced love change into hate..!! I've seen people grow younger with age, And a bird who wouldn't fly out of an open cage..!! I've seen love sold for money, People who are devastated inside but outside they're funny..!! I've seen the unicorn fall in love with the toad, People who owned half the city have now hit the road..!! I've learned to expect the unexpected, Perfection doesn't exist, we are all defected..!! Everyone cries, some just hide their tears, They say coal turns into diamond over a thousnd years..!! Someone may believe you are one in a million, For others you are just another nobody in the billion...!! So live life with all that you have, Cherish all your moments whether happy or sad...!! Feel blessed wi

To whomsoever it may concern...Don't Drink and Drive..Go slow on Women and Wines... Remember its Jesus's Birthday...NOT yourss....!

...Am back with d new Rajanikanth's ..... !! Recently china airports were closed due to heavy fog........ Later it was discovered that Rajanikanth was smoking!!!!!!!!! Rajanikanth did his KG from seven different places.. Today those places are known as IIT's!!!!!! Government of India pays tax to Rajanikanth for living in India!!!!!!! Definition of solar eclipse: When Rajanikanth stares at sun with anger, sun hides behind the moon. This greatest phenomena is called Solar Eclipse.........!!!!! Rajanikanth woke up one day and decided he should share atleast one percent of his knowledge with the world...... Thus.......The google was born!!!! Think what would have happened if Rajani would have born 150 years ago..????? British would have fought for Independence.... Best Rajani joke!!!!!! Even Ghajini remembers Rajani!!!! Why do earthquakes occur????? Because at that time Rajanikanth is doing his skipping exercise!!!!!!!!! Once Rajanikant

DUKHI GHAZAL : Ek Ajeeb Si Halat Hai Tere Jane Ke Baad , Bhuk Hi Nahi Lagti Khana Khane Ke Baad Mere Paas 8 Samose The, Jo Mene Kha Liye 1 Tere Aane Se Pehle 7 Tere Jane Ke Baad Neend Hi Nahi Aati Mujhe Sone Ke Baad Nazar Kuch Nahi Aata Aankhen Band hone Ke Baad Doctor Se Jo Pucha Iska Elaaj, Dekar 4 Tablets, Bola. Kha Lena 2 Jagne Se Pehle, 2 sone ke baad... Gaur farmaaiye Arz Kiya- Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge? Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge? Kisi ne kaha-"Aap shayari to shuru kijiye itne milenge ki aap gin nahi payenge". 

1.Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 2.My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. 3.Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings". 4.There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together == 'don't stop'! 5.Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth. 6.There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly. 7.Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 8.Q : What's an Australian kiss? A : The same thing as a French kiss, only down under 9.A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing. 10.Q : What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A : Life sucks, job sucks and the

Q: What would u call a dead Vijay Mallya..? . . . . . . . . Ans: Bejaan Daaruwala....

Jab Yaad Tumhari Aati Hai, Dil Khun Ke Aansu Rota Hai, Yeh Dard Denewala Kya Jane, Dil Ka Dard Kaisa Hota Hai. ` Hume Jeene Nahi Deti Hai Ye Gujari Huyi Yaadein Hamse Bhooli Nahi Jati Hai Ye Biti Huyi Baatein Ab Kaise Kahein Ham Tumse Ye Dost Teri Baatein Hame Har Pal Yaad Dilata Hai Teri Har Chhoti Chhoti Baatein. ` Mat Poocho Ke, Kitna Aapko Yaad Karte Hai Itna Ke, Har Saans Ke Bad Karte Hai… Kisi Din Lekar Aaye, Tumhe Hamare Samne Bas Yahi Khudha Se, Fariyad Karte Hai… ` Doorian Bahut Hai Par Itna Smajh Lo, Pass Rahkar Hi Koi Rishta Khas Nahi Hota, Tum Dil Ke Pas Itne Ho Ki, Dooriyon Ka Ehsaas Nahi Hota. ` Raat Ke Andhere Mein Sara Jahan Sota Hai, Lekin Kisi Ke Yaad Mein Ek Dil Rota Hai, Khuda Kare Ki Kisi Par Koi Fida Na Ho, Agar Ho To Maut Se Phele Juda Na Ho. ` Yaad Me Teri Aahe Bharta Hai Koi Har Saans Ke Saath Tujhe Yaad Karta Hai Koi Maut Sachai Hai Ek Roj Aani Hai Lekin Teri Judaai Me Har Roz Marta Hai Koi ` Karoge Yaad Ek Din Saath Beete Zamane

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time. A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a Construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dol

A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions". "Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".

Father of all non veg: A family was at the dinner table. Son asked his father---' Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?? Surprised father answered-- 'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:? In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.? In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.? After 50, they are like onions'.? Son--'Onions?'?' Father---Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'? This made his wife and daughter mad. So d daughter said--Mom, how many kinds of 'penises' are there?? The mother smiled and answered-- 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.?In his 20's, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard? In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.? After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'? Daughter-A Christmas tree? Mom-'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration. Merry Xmas in advance

Why Boys get Blocked on facebook : . . Boy: What's your Name ?? Girl: Palak and you ? Boy: Paneer !!! *BLOCKED!!!* . . Girl: What's Up ? Boy: Uttar Pradesh. *BLOCKED!!!* . . Girl : tu Soya hai...?? Boy : Nahi...! Schezwan hun..! *Gets Blocked Instantly* . . Girl : see ya ! Boy: Var Ram chandar ki jai ! *BLOCKED!!!* . . Girl: Have a Good Day. Boy: No thank you... I like Parle-G more. *BLOCKED!!!* . . Boy- Thank you Girl-My Pleasure Boy- My Bajaj Pulsar *Reported as spam* *Blocked Forever*

Bengali to sardar : Sher Sunega? Sardar : Haan bol. Bengali : Andheri raat thi, raat me aya bhoot, sardar ki maa ki choot! Sardar complains to sarpanch : Bengali ne mujhe gali di. Sarpanch to Bengali : Kya bola tune? Bengali: Kuch nahi, maine to sher bola ki Andheri raat thi, raat me aya bhoot, sardar ki maa ki choot. Sarpanch: Bhoot aur choot rhyme karte hai, ye gali nahi hai, sher hai. Sardar is not happy about the decision but does not persue the matter. After few days Sardar says to Bengali: Sher sunega? Bengali: Yes Sardar: Andheri raat thi, raat main aya bhoot, Bengali ki maa ka bhosda. Bengali runs to the Sarpanch and complains: Sardar ne mujhe gali di. Sarpanch asks Bengali: Sardar kya bola? Bengali : Andheri raat thi, raat main aya bhoot, Bengali ki maa ka bhosda. Sarpanch tells sardar: Yeh to gali hai, bhoot aur bhosda rhyme nahi karte hai. Sardar: Lekin isne puri shayari suni hi nahi. Sarpanch: To puri shayari bolo. Sardar : Andheri raat thi, raat me aya bhoot, Bengali k

What's Marriage? Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense Of Humans That Destroys All The Six Senses And Makes The Person NON Sense..! Definition Of Happy Couple - HE Does What SHE Wants… SHE Does What SHE Wants. Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command. Husband: Exactly darling! its a computer, not a Husband..!! 'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life." -Shakespear "Laughing At ur Wife's Mistakes,Can Shorten ur Life." -Shakespear's Wife Arz kiya hai.. Jaldbaazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge, wah wah wah Jaldbazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge.. Soch samaj ke karoge toh bhi kya ukhad loge..!! Wife : Agar meri shaadi kisi " Raakshas" se bhi ho jaati to mai itni Pareshaan nahi hoti jitni tumare saath hu Awesome reply : Husband : Are pagli,, Blood Relation me shaadiya kaha hoti hai.. !!! Dont laugh alone pass it on.....

This one is too good... A Sardarji comes up to Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji. Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.' Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the Sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the Sardarji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the Sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji. Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeat

Before Ends, Let Me Thanx All The Good People Like U, Who Made 2013 Beautiful For Me. I Pray U B Blessed With Faithful Year A Head. I Wish U A Fantastic JANUARY Love Able FEBRUARY Marvelous MARCH Foolish APRIL Enjoyable MAY Successful JUNE Wonderful JULY Independent AUGUST Powerful September Tastiest OCTOBER Beautiful NOVEMBER Happiest DECEMBER. Have A VICTORIOUS YEAR! Hope I M 1st Person To Wish U All Happy 12 Months Of 2014

i m laughing frm 5 mins, can't resist frm sharing Ek Aadmi Raat Mein Sharab Pee Kar Ghar Aaya, Aur Sote-Sote Bhagwan Ko Pyara Ho Gaya. Upar Jakar Usne Bhagwan Se Jeene Ka Dusra Chance Maanga, Bhagwan Ne Use Murgi Bana Kar Wapis Bhej Diya. Murgi Ban Kar Usne Ek Anda Diya, Jaise Hi Usne Ande Ko Dekha To Uske Hosh Udd Gaye... Anda Sone Ka Tha.. Khushi Mein Usne zor lagayea aur Ek Aur Anda Diya..... Aur Jaise Hi Wo Teesra Anda Dene k liye ZORR Lagane laga to Uske Sar Pe Kisi Ne Joota Maara... Aur Jab Usne Aankhein Kholi To Usne Dekha Biwi Chilla Rahi Thi.... ? ? ? Uth Jaa kutte !!!!! Bistar Pe TATTI Kiye Jaa Raha Hai..!!!!""!!""

Ant and Grosshopper - Indian Version of story - too good and fact Original Story: The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. Indian Version: The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN , Asianet show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast

Girfriend and boyfriend on phone: Boy: Hi, kaisi ho jaan? Girl Theek hun. Boy: Aaj kya khaya dinner mein? Girl: Tumhe bas yehi batein karni aati hain, kya khaya, kuan sa serial dekha, kaun sa song suna.... Boy: Oh!! Ok Ok, ye batao ki how shuld RBI fight these inflationary trends with minimum intervention in the money markets? Girl: hmmmm.... daal chawal khaye hain, dahi aur salad bhi tha....

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment ‘RENT FOR APARTMENT.’ On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note: Dear Madam: Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that: #1 – it had never been occupied; #2 – there was plenty of heat; and #3 – it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home. However, I found out that: #1 – it had been previously occupied, #2 – there wasn’t any heat, and #3 – it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the

Good Days or Bad Days Depend on ur Thinking. What u Call "Suffocation" in Local Train Becomes an "Atmosphere" in Disco. Pizza....always confuses us ... it comes in a square box ... when you open it ... it's round ... when you start eating it ... it's triangle ! Life & People are also like Pizza ... Look different .. Appear different .. & .. Behave absolutely different !

New ...in market...... RAJNIKANT UNLIMITED People Update Status Via BlackBerry, iPhone, iPad, Etc.. Rajnikant Updates Status Via Calculator... Rajnikanth's dog's house has a signboard on it, saying.. Maalik Se Sawdhan! Once Rajnikant Decided To Race With Time.. & The Result Is Time Is Still Running Galileo used 'Lamp' to Study, Graham bell used 'Candle' to study, Shakshpeare studied in 'Street lights' But ..... Do u know about Rajnikant......???? Only Agarbatti When Rajnikant was a student! You can't guess this one... Teachers used to bunk! While playing once Rajnikant said "statue" to a girl... Now that Statue is know as "Statue of Liberty" Once Rajnikant was playing cricket in the monsoons.... and .... The rain was cancelled due to the match. One day Rajnikant gone 4 morning walk & in afternoon police arrstd him.. WHY? Bcoz he reachd USA witout visa Why did british leave India in 1947? Bcoz. they came to know Rajni

HOT  HOT  HOT  We are the only generation who have seen ... 01/02/03 02/03/04 03/04/05 04/05/06 05/06/07 06/07/08 07/08/09 08/09/10 09/10/11 10/11/12 & lets celebrate 11/12/13 too Forward it immediately... You may be  the first one to tell.... Is sal ek aisa waqt ane wala ha jo zindagi me phr kabhe nahi aayega . . . . Time         08:09:10 date         11-12-13 This year december has 5 Mondays, 5 Tuesday and 5 Sundays. This happens once every 823years. This is called money bags.

This is the tribute to CONGRESS from Yo Yo .....singh Sheila ko thoda round ghumake, Anna ka jaisa chashma laga ke, KAAN Ke Neeche do bajake, Aa jaao sare mood banake.. All the KEJRI fans - Don't miss the chance; All the KEJRI fans - Don't miss the chance; JHAADU Dance, JHAADU Dance, JHAADU Dance, JHAADU Dance. Vidhan sabha me jab ye gaana bajega, On the floor aana padega, Kitna bhi chahe mooh chipalo, Janta ke saamne ab to aana padega.. All the Namo fans - Don't miss the chance; All the Namo fans - Don't miss the chance; Dandiya dance Dandiya dance Dandiya dance Dandiya dance

Hansa: Prafoool, ye Senior or Junior ka kya matlab? Praful: Hansaaaaaa samundra k najdik rehte hai wo (sea+near) = Senior & Jo Zoo k najdik rehte hai wo (Zoo+near) = Junior Hansa n Praful r back!!  Hansa: praful tournament matlab?? Praful: tournament hansaaaa yeh jo tumne kaanme jhumke pehne hai use tournament kehte hai... Bapuji: abey praful gadhe use ornaments kehte hai. Praful: bapuji ohh bapuji ek kaan me pehno to ornaments or dono kaan me pehno to two ornaments matlab tournament.... Hansa: haay haay bapuji ko to kuch bhi nahi aata....

A Russian visiting India goes for an eye check up.. The Eye Doctor shows the letters 'CZWXNQSTACZ' to the Russian.. Doctor: Can you read this?? Russian: Read?? I even know the guy..

#...Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself.. Moral: In life no one helps you, once you're fucked. #...Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it. #...What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck! #...3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment! #...Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason. #...Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life.

Today only election jokes ------------------------------ (Chattisgarh, MP, RJ, Delhi) Congress    on sale @ OLX... after defeat... Sonia says.. bech de..... ------------------------------ Congress has won 8 seats in delhi. Now, they can fit in innova to go to assembly. They are called innova party ------------------------------ Again its proved delhi is not safe for women.. see what happened to sheela dixit!! ------------------------------ RAHUL GANDHI: "Mom..! Ab Kya Baaki Reh Gaya Hai, TV Ka Remote Mujhe Do 'Chotta Bheem' Dekhna Hai.." ------------------------------ 2013 Delhi election results: BAAP : 32 AAP : 28 PAAP : 8 ------------------------------ Rahul Gandhi's latest Blunder... He was heard saying... It was due to Whats App... Application which inclined Voters to Vote AAP... ------------------------------ Tota udd.... Maina udd.... Chidiya udd.... Kabutar udd..... Aur congress ...furrrrrrrrrr... -----------------------

Wife Asked Her husband While Having Sex Wife: “Honey, Why Do I Get All My Great Ideas In Bed Only?” Smart Husband: “Because at that time you’re Plugged Into A Genius“ ..

BF txt to his GF on watsApp... . BF - Hi . GF - Hello . BF - Kahan pr ho? . GF - Main apne papa ki BMW me club ja rhi hu, abhi driver mujhe club chor dega, uske baad mall mey shopping k liye jaungi, tab tumhe call krti hu, Tum kahan pr ho? . BF - 401 no ki bus me, TUMHARI SEAT K PICHE, TUM TICKET MAT LENA MaiNE LE LI HAI..

DEADLY PJs Pls... scrol down at ur own risk... Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ?? ... Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi ) Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory) Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?? why ?? Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener Q4. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'... Which movie did he really want to see..? Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai...! Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi? Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!! Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ?? Socho............... Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver). Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha? Ans:- adidas Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ? Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!! Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK

Problems due to whatsapp short typing lingo... She asked me: "Main kaunsi university main admission lu?" I said: "MU main le le" (Mumbai University) She doesn't talk to me anymore.

Q- You know why women love shoes? A- Because no matter how much & whatever they eat , the shoes always fit.. Q- Why can't Women Drive well? A- Because there are so many mirrors in a car to distract them.. Q- If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it? A- Who Cares, just Enjoy that Day.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The woman who invented the phrase "All men are the same" was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BEWARE OF FEMALE DRIVERS: After Accident, Driver Angrily said - I showed you the Headlights and told u let me go first......... Female Driver- I also started the Wipers and said No, No, No.. Driver fainted  !!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. Rest get married and wonder what happened=))

Pakistani guy & Indian guy entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, pakistani stole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, pakistani said to indian: "Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat that" Indian replied: "You wanna see something better, let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing" So they went to the counter and Indian said to the Shop boy: "Do you wanna see magic?" Shop boy replied: "Yes." Indian said: "Give me one chocolate bar." The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it. He asked for the second, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too. The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic?" Indian replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them." U Just CANNOT Beat indian! They are BORN AWESOME

Super fadu nonveg joke....girls stay away Wife ko yaqeen tha ki pati & Naukrani me sex Relation hai. Dono ko 1 sath pakdne k liye plan bnaya or Naukrani ko chupke se chutti pe bhej diya. Raat ko pati ne pet Dard ka Bahana kiya or toilet gaya & wife Naukrani k Bed Pe ja k so gayi or Light off kar di wo silently Room me aye or sex krne laga . . Sex k baad wife boli Tum Mujhe Yaha dekh k SHOCKED hoge or light on kar di . . . watchman Bola Madam Aap ?!!! Moral zyada smart bnne wala aese hi chud jaate h :p

Chintu failed in Exam & decided to make a deal with professor. Chintu: Sir, Can I ask u one que? Prof: Yes. Chintu: If u can answer dis question, i will accept my final marks, if u cant, u have to give me "A". Professor agreed. . . . Chintu asked: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?" Prof thought about it for hrs & pondered no answer. He had to finally give up as he really did not know. He gave the boy his "A". The following day, professor asked same question to his students. He was shocked when all of them raised their hands. He asked one student. He answered: Sir, u are 65, married to 28 yrs old woman, dis is legal but not logical. Ur wife, is having an affair with a 23 yearold boy, dis is logical but not legal. Ur wife's boyfriend has failed in his exam &yet u have given him an "A", dis is neither logical nor legal... . . . Professor behosh.

Ek Bewda Daru shop ke malik ko Raat ke 12 baje Phone Karke Puchh raha tha. .. Bewda -Teri Dukaan kab Khulegi?' .. Dukaandaar - Subhah 9 baje. .. Bewda -Teri Dukaan kab Khulegi?. .. Dukaandaar - 9 baje. .. Fir se phone karke Bewda bola bhai Teri Dukaan kab Khulegi.' Dukaandaar -abe bewde Kitni baar Batau 9 baje khulegi,Subah 9 baje Aana.. Jaa ab Phone Mat Karna .... Bewda - Are,Mein Dukaan Ke, Andar Se hi Bol Raha Hu..

Awesome message.. Read Carefully :: THE BOILING FROG SYNDROME..!! Human Beings and frogs are the two creatures in nature who have tremendous power to adjust... Put a frog in a vessel of water and start heating the water... As the temperature of the water rises, the frog is able to adjust its body temperature accordingly... The frog keeps on adjusting with increase in temperature... Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog is not able to adjust anymore... At that point the frog decides to jump out... The frog tries to jump but is unable to do so, because it lost all its strength in adjusting with the water temperature... Very soon the frog dies. What killed the frog? Many of us would say the boiling water... But the truth is what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when it had to jump out... We all need to adjust with people and situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust and when we need to face... There are time

The C.E.O. was walking in the factory, he noticed a guy leaning against the wall, looking somewhere.. He approached the man & asked him, "How much do you earn?" guy was amazed n said, "3000, sir." CEO took out wallet n gave the guy 9000 n told him, "I pay people here 2 work n not 2 waste time.. This is ur 3 month's salary n now get out of here NEVER come back.." The CEO now looked at other workers & asked, "Who was that guy?" Workers replied, "He was the pizza delivery guy sir..." MORAL: Zyada hoshiyaar bhi nahi banna chahiye.

Facebook - 3 Idiots Style: Rancho: *Smiling* Teacher: Aap muskura kyu rahe ho? Rancho: Bahot dino se Facebook me account banane ki ichha thi...aaj bana diya hai...bohot maza aa raha hai. Teacher: Zyaada maza lene ki zarurat nai hai... Tell me, what is a Post? Rancho: Anything that is posted on Facebook is a Post, Sir. Teacher: Can you please elaborate? Rancho: Sir...jo bhi Facebook pe log daalte hai post hai sir... Ghumne gaye...photo daal diya! Post hai Sir. Match dekha, score daal diya! Post hai Sir... Sir actually hum posts se ghire hue hai sir! Katrina ki pic se Ronaldo ki kick tak! Sab post hai sir! Ek second me comment, ek second me like! Comment-Like... Comment-Like... Teacher: Shut up! Account banake ye karoge? Comment-Like... Comment-Like...? Haan Chatur, tum batao. Chatur: Pictures, texts or videos posted through mobile or tablet or laptop or desktop via different operating systems using internet on Facebook is called a Post... Teacher: Excell

1.  I  dress to kill. Unfortunately, my cooking is similar. 2.  Dear  Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans, I...Can't...Breathe! Sincerely, Your Balls. 3. That  awkward moment when you're showing someone an old photo of you and you're wearing the same shirt as in the photo. 4.  Sometimes,  when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together. 5.  Girls  spend hours deciding what to wear, and all guys do is try to picture us naked. 6.  When  someone says 'I like your shirt.' I look down to see what I am wearing. 7.  I  wonder if the clothes in China say, 'Made around the corner.' 8.  You'd  be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap! 9.  I  don't have designer clothes in my closet. I just wear them once and give them back. 10.  A  woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.

〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰 READ THIS CAREFULLY. ... 〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰 Triple Filter 〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰 In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day one fellow met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?" "Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't know if it's true or not. Now let

A Guy in a hurry used the ladies toilet in a posh hotel.. He sat down and noticed four buttons - WW, WA, PP & APR... Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER, he loved it so much..!! He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it..., He pressed PP & a POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh. Feeling pampered.., He decided to press the last button APR. He later woke up in a hospital A Nurse smiled & said to him "Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. When the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for your balls. Your balls are in the jar over there.." Don't laugh alone share it with friends!!

Awesome msg: Ek Sach Chupa Hota Hai :- Jab Koi Kisi Ko Kehta Hai Ki "Mazaak Tha Yaar". Ek Feeling Chupi Hoti Hai :- Jab Koi Kehta Hai "Mujhe Koi Farq Nahi Padta". Ek Dard Chupa Hota Hai :- Jab Koi Kehta Hai "Its Ok". Ek Zarurat Chupi Hoti Hai :- Jab Koi Kehta Hai "Mujhe Akela Chhod Do". Ek Gehri Baat Chupi Hoti Hai :- Jab Koi Kehta Hai "Pata Nahi". Ek Samundar Chupa Hota Hai Baato Ka :- Jab Koi "Khamosh Rehta Hai"..... Isi liye ek Open Heart Surgery unit k baahar likha huwa tha k.... "Agar Dil Khol Lete Apne Yaaro Ke Saath, To Aaj Kholna Na Padta Auozaro K Saath"

Altaf bhai ke area mein Rape hua. Jo ladka Rape kiya usko Altaf bhai ke paas laye. Altaf: apun ka area, yeh jaante hue bhi tune rape kiya Boy: Sorry galti hui. Altaf: ye sab kaise hua? Boy: Usne apun ko ishare se upar bulaya. Apun gaya to usne ghar ka gate band kara. Altaf: Fir Boy: Woh boli,Oye chikne meri pyas bujha de Altaf: Fir Boy: Apun ne socha ki Altaf bhai ka area hai lafda nahi karna Altaf: Fir...... Boy: Apun bola 1-2 kiss karega, suck bhi karega, lekin fuck nahi, akhir Altaf bhai ka area hai. Altaf: Fir Boy: Usne meri pant utari fir apne kapde utarne lagi. Altaf: (being excited) Fir Boy: Usne apni jean & top utar di aur fir bra & panty bhi,apun to mast ho gaya, lekin socha ki altaf bhai ka area hai. Altaf: fully excitd) Fir Boy: Apun uske lips kiss kiya & boob suck karne laga but dimag mein tha ki altaf bhai ka area hai.. Altaf out of control: Fir Boy: Apun aage badhne wala tha lekin socha ki Altaf bhai ka area. Altaf: Abe Altaf bh

Why I Hate C.I.D An Example: LADY:Suresh Mera Bhai Tha DAYA:Kya? Suresh Tumhara Bhai Tha? . . . LADY:Han, Suresh Mera Bhai Tha!!! ABHIJEET:Suresh Sach me Tumhara Bhai Tha??? LADY:Ha Sir...Wo Mera Bhai Tha. ACP:My God, Iska Matlab samjhe Daya, . . . . . . . . Yeh Suresh Ki Bahen Hai ....

Announcement in a SCHOOL "Students who've Parked their cycles in front of d Gate, Plz move their cycles to the Parking area !!" After 30 mins another announcement: "The 400 students who went to move 10 cycles plz come back to classes!" SCHOOL LIFE AT ITS BEST