Best Funny Jokes - Latest Hindi English Jokes

Sweet Ans. by Child in School Interviewer: Teacher: What is your mother’s name? Kid: Kabhi naam nahi puchha, Bas.. pyar se MAA kehta hu ............xxxxxxxxx................. Nursery ke student ne Exam sheet pe SUSU kar Diya. Teacher: Ye kya kiya hai? Student: Mummy ne kaha tha ki Pehle jo aa raha ho wahi karna.. ...............xxxxxxxxx............... Beta- Papa, aap jaise mujhe marte ho, vaise dadaji bhi apko marte the kya? Papa- Bilkul marte the Beta- Toh yeh khandani gundagardi kab tak chalegi. ------------------------------ Principal: School ka time 8 baje ka tha or tum 9 baje aa rahe ho? Little cute Sardar student: Sir tussi na mera intezar na karya karo, school shuru kar diya karo...

Different types of    Call summaries:    Boy to boy!      00:00:59     Boy to mom!      00:00:50     Boy to dad!       00:00:30      Boy to girl!       01:23:59      Girl to girl!       05:29:59      Girl to boy!        miss call    Wife to Husband:    Not Responding 

Gokul me hai jinka waas, Gopiyo sang jo karey raas, Devki-Yashoda jinki maiya, aise hamare kishan kanhaiya. May Lord Krishna fulfill all your wishes. . Muj se pahle koi wish na karale is liye            ..^..@          ,(-_-),    "\'''''.\'='-.       \/.\\,'  /8         //""")         (\    /           \ _|,\             ? Happy Janmashtmi In Advance Hathi ghoda palki       JAI  KANHAIYA LAL KI .!. Happy Janmastami

Killer One: Sardar Everest Pe gya. 3 Baba Baithe The Aur Tambaku Ragad Rahe the. Sardar- Baba Ye Kya hai? Baba- Masala.. Sardar- O Teri, Everest Masale Aap Banate Ho.

One day when i will die Will u miss me..?? : . . . Yes.. : . . . so sweet.. : . . . . to haraamzado abhi b kr liya karo, mere marne k intezar me kyu baithe rehte ho 

Incidence...!! . A man approached a kid and asked " What is love? " The kid answered 'Love is when a puppy licks on your face' Man laughed, but then kid added 'Even after you left him alone all day'

Gabbar: Kitne admi the? Sambha: Sarkar do ... Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahi aati, do kitne hote hai? Sambha: do ek ke baad aata hai. Gabbar: Aur do k pehle? Sambha: do k pehle ek aata hai. Gabbar: To beech me kaun ata hai? Sambha: Beechme koi nahi aata. Gabbar: To fir dono ek sath kyun nahi aate? Sambha: do ek k baad hi aa sakta hai kyunki do ek se bada hai. Gabbar: do ek se kitna bada hai? Sambha: Sunn kutte, goli maarni hai toh maar de. Tune sirf namak khilaya hai chyavanpraash nahi....!!

Girl: Mere Birthday Par Mujhe Bahut Costly Gift Dena Boy: Ok.. . . . On The Birthday . . . Boy: Your Gift..! Girl: How Sweet Isme Kya Hai?? . . . Boy: Petrol Me Tale Hue Pyaaj Ke Pakode...!!

Santa ka Padosi Mar Gaya: Wo Uske Ghar Gaya or Pucha: Body Aa Gai Kya? Tabhi Body Lekar Ambulance Aa Gayi. Santa : Lo Batao, Kitni Lambi Umar Hai. -------------------------- Santa at petrol pump Bhai 1rs ka petrol dal do. Salesman: Bhai itna sara petrol dalva ke kahan jana hai? Santa: Jana kahan hai hum to aise hi paise udaate hain!! --------------------------- Santa Car ki Battery change karwane gaya. Mechanic: Sahab, Exide ki Daal doon? Santa: Nahin yaar, Dono side ki daal de warna phir Problem hogi. -------------------------- Ek admi khade-khade chaabi se apna kaan khujla raha tha Santa use gaur se dekhte hue bola- Bhaisahab, aap start nahi ho rahe to dhakka lagau. --------------------------- In exam hall a girl to santa: Mujhe bas is ans ki starting bata do baki main likh lungi. SANTA ne dhyan se idhar-udhar dekha,fir dhire se bola: “The” -------------------------- Santa: Dettol sabun hai? Dukandaar: Hai, Santa: Accha wala? Dukndar: Ha San

Girl (During sex): Nahi ye galat hai. Boy: But I Luv U. G: Fir bhi galat hai. B: Hum shaadi kar lenge. G: Bhosdike..... jahan daal raha hai, wo jagah galat hai ! -------------------- Teacher: Bachchon batao LOVE kyun acchha hai WAR se ? Saare students ek saath bole: kyunki condom saste milte hain talwar se.:) -------------------- Wife computer par kaam karte hue apne pati se boli "Koi achha password batana....?" Husband: "Lund". Wife has-has ke chair parse gir padi kyuki computer says "Aapka pasword Chhota Hai..." -------------------- Lady: Ek shampoo please. Shopkeeper: Kya dhona hai? Lady: Kya matlab kya dhona hai, baal dhone hai aur kya? Shopkeeper: Head ke baal dhone hai toh HEAD & SHOULDERS aur panty ke baal dhone hai toh PANTENE lelo. Lady: GARNIER de madarchod. Gand ke baal dhone hai. -------------------- Girl goes on a date. Woried Mother gives her Condom. Girl Laughs n Hugs Mother & Says :Yahi soch to badalni

A couple watching an IPL match on the TV together. After five minutes: Wife: Is that Bret Lee Husband: No. He is Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler. Wife: Bret Lee is smart. He should be in the movies like his brother. Husband: He does not have an actor brother Wife: What about Bruce Lee  Husband: No no, Bret Lee is an Australian Wife: OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes. Husband: No. It is called action replay. Wife: Looks like India is going to win this one. Husband: It is not India. It is Bangalore vs Kolkatta  Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter. Husband: He is not calling for a helicopter. It’s a free hit.  Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a ‘ free’ hit? Wife: Now whom is he saying ‘HI’ to? Husband: He is signalling a ‘Bye’. Wife: Why is he saying ‘Bye’. Is the game over? Wife: How many runs to win? Husband: 72 in 36 balls Wife: Ah. That is easy. Just 2 runs in 1 ball Husband turns off the

SUHAGRAT SPECIALIST Jab Ladki ki Suhagrat ke baad uski Saheli Puchhti hai Kaisi rahi suhagrat ? To vo batati hai – "Aaye the wo der se, dil jala diya, Pahle kiya Kiwad band, Fir Deepak Bhuja diya ... Pahle khel khelne lage Seena Tatolkar, Fir khel khelne lage Underwear khol kar, Ek Jang Aisi chhidi Palang par, Gole wali Top rakh di Surang par, Yah tha 9 Minute ka Majaa, Ab bhog rahi hu 9 Mahine ki saja, 9 Mahine baad 1 aisa ho ga Visfot, Jo ban jayga Bharat ke liye 1 Aur Vote... ********* Suhagrat Ke Baad, Pati Apni Patni Se Bola Pati - Arey BlooD To Nikla Hi Nahi... Patni Ne Guusse Main Aakar Jawab Diya - Patni - "Kyu be Harami Tune Andar Teer Mara Tha Kya." ********* Suhagrat Ko Pati Ke Ander Guste Hi Biwi Ne Apna Blouse Utar Diya. Pati Ye Dekh Kar Bada Hairan Hua Aur Biwi Se Pucha? Pati : "Arrey Tumne Mere Aate Hi Apna Blouse Kyu Utaar Diya?" Biwi Sharmate Hue : "Ji, Aapki Bhabi Ne Kaha Tha Ki Jaate Hi Apne Pati Ko...

Lord ganesha had two wives Riddhi and Siddhi.... Most men have one.... Ziddi...     National food of India  - "KASAM" Sab khate hain....   - "If the loser smiles after losing the game , the winner loses the thrill of his victory"!! Thats the power of Smile !!    Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman...... Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Man..!! -+ - 'Sympathy'... You can get from Anybody   But...!! 'Jealousy'... You have to Earn it....!    Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall .... And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch ....  It'll move on its own !!    Wife: Aapko meri khoobsurati zayada achi lagti hai ya aqalmandi? Husband: Mujhey to tumhari ye mazaaq ki aadat bahut achi Lagti Hai..    Santa k sir se khoon nikal rha tha. Dr   Ye kaise hua? Santa   Main hath se diwar tod raha tha, kisi ne kaha Paji kabhi khopdi ka bhi istemal kar lia karo...   - Promises are Lik

These are actual profiles from shaadi.com ……….… Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail.. i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework Can smbdy plz explain What Homework??? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast (by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...!!!! ):D :D JJ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY THEY ARE 1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD. 2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION 3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. I am loughing {laughing} :D :D :D :D ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ w

x' married 'z' twice his age, left her,& nw married 'y' 1/2 his age. Wat's d age of 'x'? Student wrote: I don't knw d answr, bt x is surely SAIF ALI KHAN..!!!

Wife: Janu ! Aaj tumhari girl friend night stay karne aa rahi hai ! Maine fridge mein beer & fresh fruit salad banake rakha hai. Room freshner side table par hai. Nahane ka soap with lime fragrance or towel bhi rakha hai. Main baccho ko Leker mummy ke yaha jaa rahi hoon, kal sham tak aajaungi. Program mein koi change ho tau inform kar dena, mein wahin aur ruk jaungi...! . . Isko kahte hai . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . Mungerilal ke haseen sapne...!!

boy's letter to his gf:- Kaash Me Tumhe Dekhu Jab Tum Kapde Utaro Jo Dale The Taar Pe Sukhne K Liye Aur Tum Apne Haath Me Pakdo Mera Haath Aur Kaho, Mene Tumhare Liye Kholi Hui Hai Apni Baahein Ab To Lelo Meri Har Khushi Aur Mujhe Dedo Apna Har gm Phir Me Kholu Dhire Se Tumhari Aankhen Aur Kahu, Dekho Kitna Bada He Mera Dil Phir Me Tumhari Taangen Uthaon Aur Daal Doon Apna Lund Mil gayi shanti?... milla na tumhe jo chahiye wo...tum jaise logon ki wajah se romantic msg ko nonveg banana padta hai;

Sexy Husband Jumps On bed in nude Position . . . Wife: I have fever . . . Husband : I know that, So i have powdered my penis with Crocin  Now u decide, u want to take it orally or as AN injection . . . !!! 〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰 Saala aaj tak samajh ni aaya Ek poora din Shoes aur Socks pehno to pair gore ho jaate .. par sala janam se chaddi pehni lekin, USTAAD kaale ke kaale.. 〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰 Questions: “Why Do Men Wear Underwear?” Answer: “As Per Military Rules, All Types Of Weapons Should Be Kept Covered During Peace Time“ 〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰 Message - Nursery Rhyme in 2020: Jack and Jill went up the hill, To have lots of sex n thrill Jack fucked Jill and Broke her seal, And Jill came down Shouting i-pill i-pill 〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰 Bar Girl Dancing, Public Claping . She Removes Her Top, More Claps.. .. Removes Her Skirt, Louder Claps .. & P@nty, Total Silence????. . . . Moral : You Cant Clap With 1Hand

. For I.T guys... Helpdesk guy speaking to a lady user... Helpdesk: double click on "my computer". Lady: i cant see your computer... Helpdesk:  No..click on "my computer" on your computer. Lady: How da hell can i click on ur computer from my computer???!! Helpdesk: there is an icon labelled "My computer" on your computer..double clik on it... Lady: wat da hell is ur computer  doin on my computer ?!!..

WHATSAPP FEVER: Boy: Hello Babe.... (11:45pm) Girl: (last seen at 11:46pm) Boy: Hey please answer me ( 11:50pm) Girl: (last seen at 11:52pm) Boy: But why do you treat me like that?? Why don't you answer me? (12:00am) Girl: (last seen at 12:00am) Boy: Ok good night dear, i just wanted to tell you that 2dy I have received my salary worth Rs.50,000 and i have reserved Rs.20,000 for ur shopping....but l thin Girl(typing): ohh hi dea... Actly mum was der dts y I cudn reply... N wow darling dts a gr8 nwz.... I love you a lot.. N when shall we go ? (12:05am) Boy: (last seen 12:06am) Girl: Baby please answer me na... dear i was off last time, lmme knw na wen shall we go?(12:08am) Boy: (last seen 12:09am) Girl: I think ur lukin vry tired cz off wrkn load.. So nw u go to bad n slp well hooney,tk cr, (12:10am) Boy: (last seen 12:12am) . . Girl: sry to disturb u but 1n think I frgot dat tomorrow mom dad are not at home in d evng, so u can come to my place af

An engineer went to police station for filing report for his missing wife: Engineer : I lost my wife (misty) ,she went for shopping and still not reached home yet Inspector: What is her height Engineer: I never noticed Inspector: Slim or healthy Engineer: Not slim can be healthy Inspector: Colour of eyes Engineer: Never noticed Inspector: Colour of hair Engineer: Changes according to season Inspector: What was she wearing Engineer: Saree/suit/ I don’t remember exactly Inspector: Was she going in a car ????????? Engineer: yes Inspector : tell me the number ,name and color of the car Engineer: black audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight- speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door …. And theN the engineer started crying….. Inspector: Don&#

If movies were made by drinkers... Soda Akbar Rab Ne Pila di Thodi Rum de basanti Hum tight ho chuke sanam Beer Zara Bevde Zameen Par Ek Tha Bagpiper Talli six Rum Maro Rum Maine Drink Tujko Diya Bewdy Rathore Hickk Hick Hota Hai DaaruDas Hum Tunn Maine Neat Kyu Piya Peg Liya To Chakna Kya Ulti Kar Di Aapne Whiskiya Pinewale Baatliyaa Le Jayenge... .!Cheers

एक राजा था जिसकी प्रजा हम भारतीयों की तरह सोई हुई थी ! बहुत से लोगों ने कोशिश की प्रजा जग जाए .. अगर कुछ गलत हो रहा है तो उसका विरोध करे, लेकिन प्रजा को कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ता था ! राजा ने तेल के दाम बढ़ा दिये प्रजा चुप रही राजा ने अजीबो गरीब टैक्स लगाए प्रजा चुप रही राजा ज़ुल्म करता रहा लेकिन प्रजा चुप रही एक दिन राजा के दिमाग मे एक बात आई उसने एक अच्छे-चौड़े रास्ते को खुदवा के एक पुल बनाया .. जबकि वहां पुल की कतई ज़रूरत नहीं थी .. प्रजा फिर भी चुप थी किसी ने नहीं पूछा के भाई यहा तो किसी पुल की ज़रूरत नहीं है आप काहे बना रहे है ? राजा ने अपने सैनिक उस पुल पे खड़े करवा दिए और पुल से गुजरने वाले हर व्यक्ति से टैक्स लिया जाने लगा फिर भी किसी ने कोई विरोध नहीं किया ! फिर राजा ने अपने सैनिको को हुक्म दिया कि जो भी इस पुल से गुजरे उसको 4 जूते मारे जाए और एक शिकायत पेटी भी पुल पर रखवा दी कि किसी को अगर कोई शिकायत हो तो शिकायत पेटी मे लिख कर डाल दे लेकिन प्रजा फिर भी चुप ! राजा रोज़ शिकायत पेटी खोल कर देखता की शायद किसी ने कोई विरोध किया हो लेकिन उ

Girl after Romance asked her Boy Friend . Tum itna jaldi kyun thak jate ho, main to nahi thakti.. . . . . . Boy Friend:" Sadak kabhi khatam hoti hai kya.. ?? Hamesha petrol hi khatam hota hai...