Best Funny Jokes - Latest Hindi English Jokes

Life is short, why waste in updating Status.. ----------------------------------------------------------------- I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode ----------------------------------------------------------------- I have a bad habit of reading a text and forgetting to reply. ----------------------------------------------------------------- A woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show his how to get to the hospital. So I pushed his under a bus. ----------------------------------------------------------------- All girls are like domain names?? The ones I like are already taken. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love... :) ----------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes I wish I was a bird so I could crap on the people I don't like.. Bahahaha :D ----------------------------------------------------------------- My Internet is down today; I

What the e-mail ids of our "celebs" shud be ...... 1. Rahul Gandhi : good_for_nothing@anything.com 2. Suresh Raina / Yuvi : cant_handle_deliveries@face.com 3. Tarun Tejpal : never_talk_to_girls@elevators.com 4. Asaram Bapu : all_girls_are_my_sisters@daytime.com 5. Sidhu : laughing_brainlessly_even@sadscenes.com 6. Digvijay Singh : foot_in_my_mouth@alltimes.com 7. Arnab Goswami : convince_or_confuse_guests@fullvolume.com 8. Indian cricket team :  champion_team@gullycricketwithkids.com 9. Poonam Pandey : allergic_to_clothes@allplaces.com 10. Manmohan Singh : opening_mouth_only@dentist's.com

Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience------- they have obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.

The sex life of my belt's buckle is as frustrating as mine. It also sees many holes everyday but goes in the same again and again! ---------------------- Women have the same parameters for Men and Pizza delivery people. They are disappointed if they come before 30 minutes! ------------------------- Women are a lot like alcohol. They may give you a great night but they're a fucking headache in the morning! ------------------------- Female tears and male sperms are so similar. They're always eager to come out and only one in a million is for the right cause! ------------------------- Dear Periods, The only reason we tolerate you is because you're a sign that we're not pregnant. Sincerely, Girls Dear Periods, We only tolerate you because we get blow jobs that week. Sincerely, Boys ------------------------- Men like sex, just like their belts... If it's not tight enough, they'll move it to another hole! ---------------

A Govt. Servant woman of our colony has been appointed as BLO (Booth Level Officer) by the Election Commission for correcting the voter's list. She came to our home for verification. I asked her "Aunty you are doing double duties nowdays. This election work and your office work together!" She replied " no no beta I m doing this BLO job only nowdays"

Shadi hui,khub mithai Bati. Pehla Baccha hua,khub mithai bati. Dusra Baccha hua, mithai bati... 5 saal baad, Baccho ka school admission karwane gaya, Donation 2 Lac+ Fees 1,50,000. Aadmi ghar aakar khub roya To Biwi boli :"Janu meri fati to Khub mithai bati,Khud ki fati to rona aa gaya.!!!!

A lady went to a newspaper firm to publish her story saying "I'm looking for a man who won't beat me, leave me and who will satisfy me in bed".  Two weeks later she heard a knock on her door as she opened, she saw a man with no arms and legs and she asked, "How can I help you?"  The guy quickly answered, "I'm answering your request for a man."  The lady continued, "You have no arms!" The guy answered, "I won't beat you".  Lady: You have no legs.  Guy: I won't leave you.  Lady: How will you satisfy me in bed?  Guy: What do you think I was knocking with? 

Aaj ka gyan☝:- Agar koi hume acha lgta hai to acha wo nahi hum hai.. And agar koi hume bura lgta hai to bura wahi hai Q ki hum to ache hai na Aaj ka dusra gyan:- Zindagi se koi cheez maango to aise maango jaise tumhare baap ki thi.   Aur nahi mili to kaunsi tumhare baap ki thi.  Aaj ka atimulya gyan:- Agar koi apko dekh kar darwaza band kar deta hai to yaad rakho, Kundi dono taraf se hoti hai ap bhi bahar se band karke bhaag jao... gn

'Baby I'm addicted, I'm out of control, you're the drug that keeps me from dying' - Me talking to oxygen.

Anupam Kher : Will you be my Valentine?? Kirron Kher : Meri Taraf se haan hai...Lekin..Aapko 2 aur haan ki zarurat hai..  India's Got Talent

Height of Flirting  Girl calls a boy: Girl: Hello baby Boy: Ohh janu bolo Girl: Kahan ho yara subah se koi ata pata nahi! Boy: Arre hum to khoye hue hain aapki aankhon mein Girl: Abhi kya kar rahe ho?? Boy: Tumhari photo dekh raha hun, kahin aur man hi nahi lag raha.. Girl: Maine to tumhe koi pic di hi nahi!! Boy: Are mere dil me chapi hai barson se.. Girl: But hum to parson hi mile hain!! Boy: Tumhare bina har ek pal barson hai Pinky.... Girl: Pinky? Ye pinky kaun hai ?? Main to nisha hun Boy: Tumse baat karke mai to sab bhul jata hun Girl: Tum prashant ho na....?? Boy: Gharwale to Raju bulate hain, lekin wo galat ho sakte hain tum nahi.. Girl: Ye 998XXXXXX hai na....?? Boy: Ab tak nahi tha par ab se yehi hai….!!

14th February kya hai?? . . Jo PYAR me padh gaye hai, unke liye, VALNENTINE DAY!!! . . Jiska BREAK-UP ho gaya ho , unke liye, "INDEPENDENCE DAY !! . . Jo SINGLE hai, unke liye "REPUBLIC DAY !! Aur jiski shadi ho gayi, Unke liye,  "Regular Day"!!

Wife (On valentine's day): Kya gift du..? Husband: Pyaar se dekha karo, izzat karo, tameez se baat kiya karo...yehi kaafi hai... Wife:Nahi, mai to gift hi dungi..!!

Normally A Man speaks 25000 words Daily & Woman speaks 30000. But d Problem starts When Husband comes Home after finishing his 25000 words Wife starts her 30000  Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions of website. You understand Nothing, still you click  "I Agree"........ Papa : why is your mummy sitting silently today. Son : nothing papa. She asked for lipstick and i heard fevistick. Papa: (with tears in eyes) god bless you son. Universal Truth:-  The only person whom a woman listens to carefully.... follows sincerely..... & does EXACTLY as he says  is  a.... PHOTOGRAPHER!!!  Baaki toh woh kisiki ki nahin sunti....... Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband. the poor king can take only one step at a time ... While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes. ------------- Typical Narad Muni NARAD SAYS TO ALL WIVES :- If ur husband sends u romantic msg

HeY theRe! baAp kO maT sIkhA! ----------------------------------------- Life is a continuos process of adjustment !!! ----------------------------------------- You must be a math problem because you're difficult ----------------------------------------- Caring for someone means putting their needs above yours. ----------------------------------------- Clever is the slave; Smarter is the King.. ----------------------------------------- I Can't Even Find My Slipper Here..And People Are Looking For Love..??.. ----------------------------------------- I have got a right to be wrong, my mistakes will make me strong

I Love you every time.. I Love you every seconds.. I Love you every moments.. I Love you every day.. So i don't need any occasion to wish you... As my every day with you,is Rose day Propose day Chocalate day Teddy Bear day Promise day Kiss day Hugg day Valentine day Love you..Sweet Heart

Virginity is like a Balloon, One prick and it's gone for ever! ----------------------------------------------------------------- Sex is like a pack of Chips, Once you start! You can't stop! ----------------------------------------------------------------- An Exam paper is like a Dick, When it's hard! People get fucked! ----------------------------------------------------------------- Education is like hiring a prostitute, It needs both your money and your hardwork ...! ----------------------------------------------------------------- Success is like masturbating, Only your own hand can let you achieve it! ----------------------------------------------------------------- Life without Friends is like Boobs Without Nipples. IT'S POINTLESS ! ----------------------------------------------------------------- Fuck a woman and she Loves you. Love a woman when she Fucks you. ----------------------------------------------------------------- MBB

I want You to Retain your Sweetness like the most Precious Chocolate. I Dont want to lose you In my life.  Always Stay With Me.     Happy Chocolate Day

Word Have Not Enough Strength To Express My Love Towards You. My Eyes Are Enough To Express It! Happy Propose Day Dear!❤️

IPL 3 April 2014 to 26 may 2014 3/4   KKR- DEL 8:00PM 4/4   RBC - MUM 8;00PM 5/4   HYD - PUNE 8:00PM 6/4   DEL - RAJ 4:00PM 6/4   CSK - MUM 8:00PM 7/4    PUNE-PNJ 4:00PM 7/4    HYD - RCB 8:00PM 8/4    RAJ - KKR 8:00PM 9/4    MUM - DEL 8:00PM 10/4   PNJ - CSK 8:00PM 11/4   RCB - KKR 4:00PM 11/4   PUNE - RAJ 8:00PM 12/4   DEL - HYD 8:00PM 13/4   MUM - PUNE 4:00PM 13/4   CSK - RCB 8:00PM 14/4   KKR - HYD 4:00PM 14/4   RAJ - PNJB 8:00PM 15/4   CSK - PUNE 8:00PM 16/4   PNJB - KKR 4:00PM 16/4   RCB - DEL 8:00PM 17/4   PUNE - HYD 4:00PM 17/4    RAH - MUM 8:00PM 18/4    DEL - CSK 8:00PM 19/4   HYD - PNJB 8;00PM 20/4    KKR - CSK 4:00PM 20/4    RCB - RAJ 8:00PM 21/4   DEL - MUM 4:00PM 21/4   PNJB - PUNE 8:00PM 22/4    CSK - RAJ 8:00PM 23/4    RCB - PUNE 4:00PM 23/4   PNJB - DEL 8:00PM 24/4   KKR - MUM 8:00PM 25/4   CSK - HYD 8:00PM 26/4   KKR - PNJB 8:00OM 27/4   RAJ - HYD 4:00PM 27/4   MUM - RCB 8:00PM 28/4   CSK - KKR

Ek jungle me sab jaanwar ga rahe the, PAAN PARAAG PAAN MASALA- PAAN PARAG! Par Giraffe nahi ga raha tha! KYUN? ? ? Kyuki, UNCHE LOG! UNCHI PASAND MANIKCHAND 🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐 Why don!t ppl clap in Afghanistan?  ? ? ? Because there's the tali-ban! If u touch  2014 calender u will get a Shock . . do u know y? . . . . . . . . Bcoz . . . . . . . 2014 is "CURRENT" year.. This PJ might blow ur senses away: What do u call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day ? . . . . . . . . . . . Jaswanti (just 1 tea)... Hum Roz MSG Q Bhejte H? Masti? NO Tympass? NO Hum MSG Bhejte H  Taki Apki Reading Capacity Strong Ho. Padhega INDIA, Tabhi To Badhega INDIA.......!:

Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too.

Today is the day. ❤️i wanna tell u that how much u mean for me..when u with me all days valentines day for me.. ❤️ ❤️be with me sweetheart❤️ love u so much .. Happy valentines day

White rose is for purity Orange is for desire Pink is for gratitude Peach is for appreciation And  Yellow is for friendship ❤️But I chose Red rose for you which symbolizes love❤️ Happy Valentine's Day

This Valentine day never ask for any online gifts from her...  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . She might choose "Cash on Delivery" 

On yahoo one of the award wining question answers! How do i get rid of the oily face? Answer was  getting rid of your oily face is not recommended, no matter how oily it is . The face serves many severe functions and you should not remove it

Lady: I'm sexually harassed at office! Friend: What happened? Lady : A Man keeps saying your hair smells nice. Friend: So what's wrong in that? Lady: He’s only 3 feet tall...!!!

Height of overconfidence: There was a meeting of Bihar freedom fighters. They wanted to free bihar from India. Ram bhaiya raised a point, "We may take Bihar from India but how will we develop it?" Shayam bhaiya had a brainwave. "No problem! We will attack America, we will lose the war & it will take us over. Then we will become a State of USA & develop automatically. We will also become direct citizens of USA. No more Visas & Green Cards." All the Bhaiyas were happy with this solution but an old bhaiya was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The old bhaiya replied, "That's all very well.! But what would happen if by chance we won & took over America??? "

Girl :Tell me The most Pretty Thing Abt me . . . . . Boy: U make my software turn to hardware! *Blocked*

Height of candy crush!! In the train me standing n waiting for the place to sit.  Suddenly I see people sitting on the seat.. 2 people in same color shirt and the third person in other color.. And there comes a 4th person wearing similar shirt to 1st and 2nd person.  The only thing I can remember is someway drag the person to third seat and then there wl be blast and the seat is empty 

Maine ek ladki ki madad ki to usne muje thank u bola Maine kaha thank u mat kaho ye lo mera Number aur 3 ladkiyo ko dena  Aur un se kaho k ye  aur 3 ladkiyo ko de..... Jai Ho

अर्ज़ किया है: उड़ती हुई फ्रॉक को काबू में रखो; उड़ती हुई फ्रॉक को काबू में रखो; वाह! वाह! पैंटी ना पहनो कोई बात नहीं, कम से कम बगीचा तो साफ़ रखो। हमारी एक मुस्कुराहट पर वो हमसे सेक्स कर बैठे; वाह वाह। हमारी एक मुस्कुराहट पर वो हमसे सेक्स कर बैठे; वो पैंटी पहनने ही वाली थी कि हम फिर से मुस्कुरा बैठे। मेरे हैं सिर्फ दो ही टट्टे; वाह वाह... भोसड़ी के पहले सुन तो। मेरे हैं सिर्फ दो ही टट्टे; यार चूस के बता, मीठे हैं या खट्टे। गर्लफ्रेंड अपने बॉयफ्रेंड की फटी अंडरवियर देख कर कहा, "तुम देसी चड्डी पहनते हो , ब्रांडेड नहीं? बॉयफ्रेंड: जात ना पूछो साधू की पूछ लीजिये ज्ञान, मोल करो तलवार का फटी रहन दो म्यान। एक गुब्बारे वाले की दुकान के बाहर लिखा था: अगर अपने बच्चों को गुब्बारा नहीं दिला सकते तो वक्त पे गुब्बारा चढ़ा लिया करो। पटियाला की दो बातें बड़ी मशहूर हैं। पहला पटियाला पेग और दूसरा पटियाला सलवार। एक चढ़ने के बाद मजा देती है और दूसरी उतरने के बाद। सकारात्मक सोच (Positive thinking) को कैसे बढा