Best Funny Jokes - Latest Hindi English Jokes

Shahjahan aur mumtaz phir se duniya me aao,  Is baar Agra me nhi Mumbai me apni mehlif jamao,  Banaya hoga us zamane me tumne Taj Mahal,  Aaj k tym me 2 BHK banake dikhao.

These are actual profiles from shaadi.com, hilarious they are... Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail..  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework. (Can smbdy plz explain What Homework???)  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I want a boy with no drinks. If he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast. (by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...! )  ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH. I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY THEY ARE, 1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD. 2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION 3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (I am loughing {laughing})  ~~~~~~~~~~~

Rakhi sawant angrily to arvind kejariwal..."don't try to sex-smart (actsmart)with me...atleast have commonsex(commonsense)...how to behaves during this erection (election)...next time if you misbehaves then I will break testicles (spectacles)on your face"

Passwords are like "Underwears" U shouldnot leave them out where people can see them.  U should change them regularly. And u shouldnt loan them to strangers

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.  So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave. The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk.  The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.  The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.

Judge hearing a divorce case Judge to husband: why you want to divorce your wife? hus: im not satisfied with her on bed judge to wife: wat u have to say about this?? wife: whole colony is satisfied only this bastard has got problems. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------- 1 Nangi ladki 20 Floor se giri. 18 floor par 1 aadmi ne catch kiya, bola 'Chusegi' ??? Ladki shareef thi, manaa kar diya. Aadmi ne usska hath chodd diya, Iss barr 16 floor pe 1 aadmi ne catch kiya And bola 'Chudegi' ? Ladki : No. Usne bhi uska hath chodd diya Ladki girne lagi, Gaand fati maut ke darr se, socha=-?kash unki baat man leti. 12 floor pe 1 aadmi ne phir catch kiya. Ladki - Mein Chusungi bhi Chudungi bhi. (Iss baar aadmi Shareef nikla ) Aadmi - Chal randi saali , Jaa, marr... . OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS ONCE ONLY, SOMETIMES TWICE BUT NEVER THEREAFTER.. Saala tum logon ko achaa inspirational msg bhi samjhaane ke liye Sexy tareeke se bhejna

Wife raat ko bed pe sokar boli, Aeji aaj kuch aisa karo ki pasina aa jaye. Sardar utha aur  Fan band karke so gaya I NEVER SEND DIRTY JOKES !!!

Ek Mantri USA gaya to meet his politician friend Uska ghar bahot khubsurat tha. Indian : Itna khubsurat ghar kaise banaya? American: Wo samne bridge nazar aa raha hai ? Indian : haan American: Uska 10% apni jeb me...!! Phir American India aya to hairaan reh gaya k Indian ka ghar us se bhi zada khubsurat hai American: Tum ne kaise banaya itna khubsurat ghar?? Indian : Wo samne bridge nazar aa raha hai?? American: nahi Indian :hahahahhahahahahahaha

A MUST TRY!!!!!!!          ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST (It's absolutely amazing!)    Count every  "  F  " in the following text: FINISHED  FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED  WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...   (SEE  BELOW) HOW MANY ?     WRONG,  THERE ARE  6  --  no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the  6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning behind is  further down. The brain cannot  process "OF". Incredible  or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts  all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. Three  is normal, four is quite rare. Send this to your  friends.  It will drive them crazy.!

Larki: Mujhe koi aisi sabzi do jiske 7 faayde hon ! Sabzi wala: Ye Lo madam Gajar !! 1: Pasand aaye to Aloo Matar ke saath paka lena...  Warna .. 2: Juice bana ke pe sakti ho... Nahi to .. 3: Salad bana sakti ho... Ye bhi  na karo to .. 4: Gajrela bana lena... Nahi to .. 5: Chinese noodles mein daal lena... Aisa bhi nahi to phir .. 6:  Murabba bana sakte ho... Ye bhi na ho to .. 7: Achaar bana lena !! Kaka jo tu dhoond raha hai wo nahi milega... Post dekh kis Sanskaari aadmi ne likhi hai!!! 

Funny but true 10 oneliners from INDIA 1. India is a country where on the streets, everyone seems to be in a hurry, but no one is ever on time.. 2. Here people wear helmets to save their pockets, not life.. 3. Being one in a million in India means that there are 1241 Indians just like you.. 4. In Bangalore if you throw a stone, you hit a dog, or a software engineer and in Delhi it will b a dog or a CA.. 5. If someone asks for a dirty cloth to clean something, you are in India.. 6. In India, it's okay to piss in public, but not kiss.. 7. In India two things never leave you, your caste and your high school marks.. 8.When it comes to taking a stand on world issues, India is like a girl giving mixed signals.. 9. A country whose onions and tomatoes have more value than dollars.. 10 .In India, there are two types of roads: Under Construction and Under Repair..

Married life expressed in terms of star plus programs: Before marriage- Ye hai mohabbatein 2 months after marriage- Diya aur baati hum 2 years after marriage- Pyaar ka dard hai 5 years after marriage- Iss pyaar ko kya naam du?  10 years after marriage- Ye rishta kya kehlata hai?  20 years after marriage- MAHABHARAT

Facebook is my serious account,  the funny one is my bank account!!

Some great sexy sayings- "U cannot taste me, until u undress me?" .. ... ... .. . -                                       Banana. "U cannot eat me unless u lick me"😛 . . . .. . -                                                      Ice cream. "U can not play with me unless u blow me" . . . .                                                 -  Balloon. "U can not enjoy me unless u suck me" . . . . .                                                               -  Lollypop. "U make me wet & put me in your mouth everyday" . . . . -                                                            Toothbrush. And the most killer one "U can not enjoy me unless u spread me" . .

Boss hired a sexy secretary; but 10 days later he committed suicide by jumping from his 27th floor office!!  Police: Who was there at that time in the room?? Secretary: I was there ""  Police: What happened? Why did he commit suicide??? Secretary: He was a good man. One day he bought me a fur coat for 2,00,000, then he bought me a diamond necklace for Rs.15,00,000, then he bought me a diamond ring for Rs.5,00,000. Today he asked me to spend the night with him. I told him I charge just Rs. 500 a night! Moral: Investments are subject to market risk, check the market rate before investing!!"" Dont laugh alone pass it on.....

Rakhi sawants preparing statements for 2014 elections...  "I Love Sea Food, Specially Porns !!!" ~ Rakhi Sawant "For God's sex, stop making fun of my English."  ~ Rakhi Sawant i went to Dentist to show my Tits.............. ~ Rakhi Sawant Media: “Aap Kitni Padhi Likhi Ho?” Rakhi Sawant: “Zyaada Nahi.. Bas Inter-Course Kiya Hai…!!“ "This year I am standing for Erections"  Rakhi Sawant If you will give me chance i will give my breast...... rakhi sawant....

Optimist: Glass is half full Pessimist: Glass is half empty Engineer: Glass is twice the size it needs to be..!!!

Question - What Is Difference Between A BOOT (Shoes) & CHOOT.? Zabardast Answer - BOOT Accepts Only ONE Size, Whereas CHOOT Accepts ALL Sizes.. College Me, Mam-" Lakir ka Fakir" Muhavare ka udhahran do" Boy" Aap Bura to Nahi Manegi? Mam- Nahi Bura Q? Boy-Aapki Panty ke andar jo Lakir he Hum Uske fakir hai.. ek wife ko shadi k bahut salo baad pta lga k uska husband CHHAKKA h aur usko Plastic k Lund se chodta tha....wife- tumne itni bdi baat mujhse chhupai, tumne meri zindgi barbaad kr di..... husband- baat ko aagey na badhao, maine itne salo me kbi puchha k BUNTY & BABBLI Plastic k Lund se kaise paida ho gye? ------------------------ Aaj kal ke bachho ki haramipanti : MADAM : shor mat karo nahi to khadda kar dungi.. Bachhe: pehele mera.. pehele mera.. pehele mera.. _____________ Beta-Papa, Ye "Sex" kya hota hai ? Santa thinks oye bahenchod ye kya puch liya bete ne, par batana to padega. Aftr that he says- Beta, sex me hum ladki k kapde utarte hai f

. Sexy jokes- 〽 Wife : Janu Sex ho jaye. Husband : Aaj Nahi. Wife : Kyo ? Husband :Aaj Condom lana Bhul Gaya. Wife :Teri to roz ki magaj mari he lamination karvale! 〽 Sardar ne Taxi bechkar XEROX ki shop khol li.. Dost ne pucha to bataya. Yaara dil khush ho jata hai jab ladkiyan aakar kehti hain "aage piche dono side karna 〽 Raat ke Andhere mein Sardar-Ye Condom itna Chhota or Sakht kyo hai? Wife-O Bina Dimaag ke Jaanwar,woh Bachche ke Dhoodh Peene ki Nipple hai. UTAR ise...... 〽 Sardar Medicl Stor Pe Condom Lene gaya.. Pr Wha Jakr Condam ka Nam Bhul gaya.. Bahut der tak sochne k baad sardar Zip Khol k.. O Yaar, Iska body cover de do.! 〽 Sardar goes to buy condoms Salesman asks :Only flavoured ones r available. Which flavour do u want? Sardar thinks&thinks &thinks then says: Chhole Bhature! 〽 Sardar- jaldi se chaddi nikalo! Aaj Sex ka Mood hai ! Ladki- maine chaddi nhi pehni. Sardar-thik hai, kal chaddi pehan k aa

Sunny Leone To Alok Nath in a rapid fire round.... - . Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jo Tumhare PANT Me Hai Aur Mere PATICOAT Me Nahi.. . Alok Nath :- " POCKET . Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jo Din Me Lene K Bajay RAAT Ko BISTAR Par Lete Hai, . Alok Nath :- " NEEND . Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jo LADKI 1st Time Karwane Par Jor Se Chillati Hai, . Alok Nath :- " KAAN Me CHHED, . Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jiske AAdha Jane Par DARD Hota Hai Par Pura Jane Par Accha Lagta Hai, . Alok Nath :- " HATHO Me KANGAN . Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jiske Paas Ho to HAATH Me Pakad Kar Hilata Hai, Aur Jiske Paas Na Ho To UNGLI Daal K Hilata Hai, . Alok Nath :- "TOOTH BRUSH" . Ye Hote Hai Sanskaar

Nalasopara ke baad virar.. abki baar modi sarkaar Teri maa ko mera namaskaar apki baar modi sarkaar Do Aur do, hote hain chaar, abki baar, modi sarkar Karenge puncture  Kejru ki WagonR  Abki baar Modi Sarkar Modi ne seekha alok nath se sanskar. Abhi baar modi sarkar Nahi nahi , abhi nahi, abhi karo intezaar. Abki baar modi sarkar Cigarette mein hota hai tar, abki baar modi sarkaar Twinkle twinkle little star.. abki baar modi sarkaar Rahul gandhi ne khai chocobaar abki baar modi sarkaar Daaru pine se peth aata hai bahar, abki baar modi sarkaar Daru pine chalo baar, abki baar modi sarkaar Paratho ke saath acha lagta hai aam ka aachar abki baar modi sarkaar Nissan sunny.. its not a car.. its a caaaaaaar.. abki baar modi sarkaar Chutney ke bina dhokla hai bekaar, abki baar modi sarkar. I tried so hard, and got so far. But in the end, modi sarkar Abcdefghijklmnopq r  Abki baar modi sarkar. Cool drink peekar aati hai dakaar , abki baar modi sarkar. 😂😂

Hindi ki madam ne kaha-bacho "Baadal barse aangan me" par kavita likho, ek student ne likha- 'Ek Hamari pyari madam, masti bhare is yovan me. Sham hui jab piya ghar aaye, khaat bichaya aangan me. Lab chuse stan dabaye, or ling ghusaya jaangan me. Wo jhoom jhoom kar chud gayi jab "Baadal barse aangan me"

Randibazaar mein 2 Randiyaan thhi.. Ek ko hamesha zyaada paise milte thhe aur doosri ko kam... Ek din doosri ne pehli se poochha... 2 Randi : Tujhe zyaada paise kyon milte hain?? 1 Randi : Kyonki main hamesha apni Choot pe ek Chhota sa Pataakha rakhti hoon.. Jaise ki Customer Lund daalta hai.. Main wo bajaa deti hoon! Aawaz sunnkar Customer ko lagta hai ki Seal tooti hai toh wo khush hokar zyaada paisa dekar jaata hai! 2nd Randi ki samajh mein baat kuchh zyaada hi aa gayi! Ussne apni Choot pe "Sutli Bomb" laga liya... Jaise hi Customer ne Lund daala.. Randi ne Bomb ke Paleete mein Aag lagaa di.. Zor ka Dhamaaka hua, Customer bhi door jaake gira! Randi : (Khush hokar) Ab toh tum mujhe zyaada paise doge na... Meri Seal tooti hai! Customer : (Gusse mein) Behan Ki Lodi... Tujhe Seal ki padi hai... Yahaan Lauda gaayab ho gayaa! पठान सुबह- सुबह रोते हुए डॉक्टर के पास गया और बोला, मैंने रात को कोठे पर गलत और

I've been pushing hard to open ur heart Trying to take us back whr we were before Bt i'm done.. I jst cant do dis anymore And i think we should head for the finish line & i gotta pack up n leave!

I Am All Yours. My Eyes Are To Stare You. My Heart Is To Beat For You. My Mouth Is To Talk To You. My Arms Are To Hold You Tight. My Ears Are To Hear Your Sweet Voice. My Legs Are To Go For A Walk With You. My Shoulders Are To Put Your Head On. When You Need To. My Everything Is Only Yours Baby. I Am Only Yours..Forever..!!

A Girl was towelling her wet Pussy. She enjoyed it very much and started rubbing it vigorously until the pussy cried 'meow...' and ran away! ~ Be kind to Animals  And  Clean your Thoughts वो बार बार पूछती है कि क्या है  मौहब्बत ?? अब क्या बताऊं उसे कि उसका  चुदना और मेरा उसे चोदना ही  मौहब्बत है ! 

April 1 is named FOOL'S DAY, after Steve April. He was born on 1st April 1579. He did 105 businesses in his lifetime. He lost all his father's assets, and so everyone started calling him father of the fools.  At 19, he married a 61-year-old woman who divorced him after a year because of his foolishness. He used to read all kinds of fake stories like you are doing now.  It's great idea fooling you .. April fool!