Best Funny Jokes - Latest Hindi English Jokes

आप इसमें से कौन से वर्ग में आते है? 1. Whatsapp मुर्गा  ...:  रोज सबेरे, "गुड मोर्निंग"  के मैसेज देना और लोगो को 'गुड मोर्निंग' बोल कर जगाना इनका प्रिय काम है। 2. Whatsapp बाबा :  ये सिर्फ भगवान के ही मैसेज भेजते है और  प्रवचन करते फिरते है। 3. Whatsapp चोर :  ये लोग दुसरो का  मेसेज forward करते है! 4 . Whatsapp देवदास :  ये लोग हमेशा दर्द भरे और  निराशाजनक कविता भेजते है और  अपना दुःख दुनिया को दिखाके लोगों को भी दुखी करते है। 5. Whatsapp न्यूज रिपोर्टर:  दुनिया में क्या चालू है,  ऐसी न्यूज ये लोगो को भेजते है। 6. Whatsapp विदुषक:  ये लोग उनकी जिंदगी में कितने  भी दुखी चाहे हो लेकिन सबको  reply करते है और मैसेज भेज  कर के हंसते रहते है । 7. Whatsapp मौनी बाबा:  ये लोग चुपचाप मैसेज पढते है  और reply कभी नहीं करते है। 8. Whatsapp विचारक:  ये लोग अच्छे विचार अपने  मैसेज से लोगों तक पहुंचाने का प्रयत्न करते है। 9. Whatsapp कवि और कवियित्र

After watching Salman Khan in Jai Ho fighting and beating hundreds of gunda mawalis at a time................... Batman, Superman, Spider and all other Super Heros said........... "Saale hum to sab yahaan chutiye baithe hain"

American parents: "Here's a labrador pup for you son. Happy Birthday!☺️" Indian Parents: Pet dog chahiye? . . . . . . . . Never. Uski potty kaun saaf karega?

All Non Veg. Funny Shayaris Roye Hum Iss Kadar Unke Sine Se Lipat Kar; Wah Wah! Roye Hum Iss Kadar Unke Sine Se Lipat Kar; Ki Woh Khud Apni Kameez Utarkar Boli; Daba Le Kamine, Faltu Mein Natak Mat Kar! Dil Todne Ki Saja Nahi Milti; Dil Tutne Ki Wajah Nahi Milti; Maal To Bahut Fass Jaate Hain, Mere Dost; Bas Unhey Thokne Ki Jagah Nahi Milti! Unki Gali Se Guzre, To Chaubara Nazar Aaya; Unki Gali Se Guzre, To Chaubara Nazar Aaya; Uski Maa Bahar Aa Kar Boli: Gaand Faad Dungi Bhosdi Ke, Jo Dobara Nazar Aaya! Nipple Se Tapak Raha Hai Pasina; Nipple Se Tapak Raha Hai Pasina; Bhigi Hui Gaand Aur Lathpath Seena; Aab Tumhi Batao Ghalib; Itni Garmi Mein Koi Kaise Thoke Hasina! Dilbar Ke Hamne Pyaar Se Jo Boob Daba Diye; Zaara Gaur Farmaiye! Dilbar Ke Hamne Pyaar Se Jo Boob Daba Diye; Bhen Ki Lodi Ne Laat Maar Ke Hamaare GOTE Suja Diye! Lund Ki Aawaz Ko Damdar Kehte Hain; Fati Choot Ko Bekaar Kehte Hain; Sirf Chodne Ka Nam Mohabbat Nahi Hota; Kissi Ki Yaadon Mein Mutth Marne Ko Bhi Pyaar Kehte Ha

It makes me smile knowing that i have such great friends. Friends that i can pour my heart out too and i know that they'll listen. Thanks Friend you are amazing.

"लेने के देने' कहाँ पड़ते है?  > > > > > > > > > > रेड़ लाईट एरिया मे।

He's an embarassment.. Arnab - How are the 1984 and 2002 riots different? Rahul Gandhi - The 1984 and 2002 riots are different. They are different... because they are not same.. they are..umm..not same, Look we brought RTI, we passed lokpal, we have 6 bills in the parliament. A - No, my question is How are the 1984 and 2002 riots different? R -Yes, they are different. women need to be empowered, our party has taken steps. We have brought RTI and LOKPAL, we have 6 bills sitting in the parliament. A - No, Mr Gandhi, you are still not telling me how are the 1984 and 2002 riots different? R - We have always said they are different. We gave you the RTI. We gave you lokpal. Look we need to empower women. We need to bring youngsters in the party. A - Don't you think you are a retard? R - Yes, you see we gave the people of this country Lokpal. We gave you RTI, we are bringing youngsters. We are empowering women. A- melody itni choclatey kyun hai? R- see we need to empower women and ope

Arz kiya jai.....gaurr farrmaiye Lamha-Lamha waqt guzar jayega, Kuch hii dino mein 'VALENTINE DAY' aa jayega, Abhi bhi time hai kisi se 'AFFAIR' kar lo, Varna yeh valentine bhi 'PATNI' ke saath hii guzar jayega !!!!!

Every problem comes with a solution. If it doesn't have any solution, it's a..... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . woman

Lalu k pichhe ek chhota sa kutta pad gaya..!!Lalu bola..!! Sala hum to BSNL ka card dalaya hu..Ye sala HUTCH ka Network kaise pakad lia.

Can't remember to forget you.. ------------------------------------------------ Live alone☝️ Live Legend ------------------------------------------------ Take out N out of friend, and you are cooked  ------------------------------------------------ Take care of 'YOUR STATUS' & don't be care taker of 'MY STATUS'... ------------------------------------------------ तेरे DP से नजर नही हटती नोटीफिकेशन हम क्या देखे ।

❤❤❤ Three guys proposed a Girl First Guy : I can die for you. Girl : Everyone says that. Second Guy : I can bring you a star from the sky. Girl: Old dialogue. Third Guy : I can give you my Facebook password, switch off my BBM and deactivate my Whatsapp Girl (tears in eyes) : Paagal ... Itna pyar karta hai mere se...... Rulayga kya...!!!! I typed MARRIED it was auto corrected to MARTYRED .. So then I typed SHAADI it auto corrected to SHAHEED .. Damn !!! These smart phones have gained too much intelligence . •---------------------------------------- Earlier people used to remove their hats to give respect and our new generation ...  . . removes head phones to give respect! ------------------------- What is similarity between the Indian Govt. And Pakistan Govt.....? Answer- Both don't care for INDIANS...!!!  -------------------------- Husband was throwing knives on wife's photo. All were missing the targ

When Bobby Darling was born, Doctor said "Mubarak ho, Dhokha hua hai" When Ekta Kapoor was born, doctor said "Mubarak ho. Mubarak ho. Mubarak ho. Kon hua jaanne ke liye dekhiye agla episode".                        When Manmohan Singh was born, Sholay was playing on the hospital TV, and AK Hangal said....."Itna sannata kyun hai bhai?".                      When prabhudeva was born, the doctor said "Thoda bachcha hilna band karega toh check karke batate hain".                                                When Arnab Goswami was Born - Before Doctors could say anything, Arnab Said "C'mon Tell me... How you pulled me. Nation wants to know That".                                              When Kangana Ranawat was born the doctors said, "Mubalak ho ek totali beautiful girl hui hai".                   When Rahul Gandhi was born, Doctor said, " Mubarak ho, aapke sath majaak hua hai".      

एक  मारवाड़ी  बादाम  बेच  रहा  था  .. . . सरदार  ने  पूछा  ये  खाने  से  क्या  होता  है ?  . . मारवाड़ी : दिमाग़  तेज़  होता  है ..  . . सरदार : केसे ? . . . मारवाड़ी : अच्छा  ये  बताओ  1 किलो  चावल  में  कितने  दाने  होते  है ? . . . सरदार : पता  नही ... . . मारवाड़ी  ने  उसको  बादाम  खिलाया  और  बोला , . . बताओ  1 दर्जन  में  कितने  केले  होते  है ? . . सरदार : 12 . . . मारवाड़ी : देखा  दिमाग  तेज़  हो  गया ना  .. . . सरदार : 2 किलो  दे  यार , कमाल  की  चीज़  है ..

One girl was getting raped and she threatened to call the cops Rapist said 'ok go ahead let's see who cums first

Boy proposed a Girl. Boy: I really loves you.... Girl: I would like that guy who can always dream about me while he sleep Boy: ohhh... just little change here but really Before to sleep I always dream about you...

आजकल के बच्चे और उनके सवाल- बबली- टीचर टीचर ! 'बस' मेल है या फीमेल? टीचर ने सोचा- सच ए क्यूट क्वेस्चन ! तभी अचानक दूसरे बच्चे बंटी ने जवाब दिया- टीचर टीचर ! बस फ़ीमेल होती है। बबली- ऐसा क्यों? बंटी- क्योंकि सब लोग उस पर चढ़ते हैं, ईडियट ! टीचर यह उत्तर सुन कर सकते में आ जाती है। बबली फ़िर उत्सुकता से पूछती है- अगर बस फीमेल है, और सब उस पर चढ़ते हैं तो उसके बच्चे क्यों नहीं होते? टीचर और तनाव में आ जाती है। बंटी फ़िर जवाब देता है- क्योंकि सब उस पर पीछे से चढ़ते हैं डफर ! टीचर शर्म से पानी पानी। लेकिन बबली के सवाल अभी खत्म नहीं हुए- माना कि सभी पीछे से चढ़ते हैं, पर ड्राइवर और कंडक्टर तो आगे से चढ़ते हैं, फिर बच्चे क्यों नहीं होते? टीचर की साँस रुक रुक कर चलने लगती है। बंटी सारे शक दूर करते हुए उत्तर देता है- क्योंकि वो दोनों टोपी पहन कर चढ़ते हैं। टीचर बेहोश !

When Kapil sharma was born, Doctor said- Mubarak ho, baba ji ka thullu hua hain.

Girls at a wedding: Omg lehnga, jutiyan, mehndi, jewelry, saree, photos omg.  Guys at a wedding: Bhai koi bhi item rehna nahi chahie sab taste karna hai ! 

Special 26 on sardar SARDAR ROCKS 1.  Dr.:- Aapke 3 daant kaise tut gaye..? Sardar:- Ji wo wife ne kadak roti banai thi. Dr.:- To khane se mana kar dete. Sardar:- Ji wo hi to kiya tha... 2. Sardar got an sms from his Girlfriend written as "I Miss You". Sardar ne apna dimag laga ke 2 ghante baad reply bheja "I Mr.You". 3. Sardar ne 1 raah chalti ajnabi ladki se kaha:- Aapne pehchana mujhe ko. Ladki:- Nahi aap koun ho..? Sardar:- Main wahi hu jisko aapne parso bhi nahi pehchana tha. 4. Sardar math ke paper me dance kar raha tha. Kisi ne pocha ye kya kar rahe ho..? Sardar:- Yaar mere sir ne kaha tha ke her step ke no. hote h. 5. Sardar Bill gates se:- Tum pagal ho. Bill:- Why..? Sardar:- Tumhara surname Gates h aur business tum Windows ka karte ho. 6. Sardarni wrote a msg. to sardar:- Ghar kab aa rahe ho. msg. karke batao. Sardar sent msg. to her:- Nahi bata sakta msg. free nahi h. 7. 1 Sardar ne apni car ke

Dekha Kal raat kisi ko sapne me apne Ker hi Kya sakte hai hum Jo Na ho pass apne  Chah ke bhi yaado se kaise bhula de tujhe Sanso me base ho Tum ho Jo mere apne

Ek person ne apni dehati gf ko samsung ka phone gift kia... He msg her- Whatsapp pe aa jao.. She- mai beemar hu, tum lene aa jao... (Aur patao ganvaar ladki)

Sunny Leone is going to act in Marathi movie.... ... ... ... ... ... and the name of the film will be 'Suckubai'

Wife : Hum honeymoon ke liye kahan jayenge?  Rohit Sharma : India mein hi kahin chalenge. Wife : Kyon?  Rohit : Main India ke bahar perform nahi kar pata hoon

Dear Whatsapp.. Tumne aajkal har ek ko kaam me laga diya hai... Students: 20 hours online,milte hai.. Exam results,Yeh saal bhi gaya... Family: Bina matlab ki chatting kar ke dur dur ke relation wale bhua,Masi,chachi,Fufa-sabko bina kaam ke Puzzle khelene,mein laga diya.. Husband & Wife: Time nahi hai,isliye is saal bhi koi good news nahi denge.... Lovers: Sara din Itni chatting karte hai..ke shaadi ke baad koi bhi topic hi nahi rahega baat karne ke liye.... Jai ho Whatsapp Baba ki..

GF- fuck off Me- Shut up. I'll make you taste your own shit. GF- how? Me- first anal sex and then blow job. *Single again*

Hansa- Praful ye candidate Matlab Praful - are hansa candidate Praful- hansa khajur ko english me kya bolte hai? Hansa- Date Praful- aur uski chocolate ho to use kya kehete hai? Hansa- oh candidate 

MBBS Professor: The Sperm is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of. A Girl raised her hand: "Then why doesn't it taste like Sugar?"  Suddenly silence in hall. Girl:Oops.  Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece: My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your Throat! 

Wife Taaro Ko   Dekh Kar Boli:    'Wo Konsi       Cheez Hai,         Jo Tum           Roj Dekh             Sakte Ho,               Par Laa                 Nahi Sakte..??                   Husband::                     Padosan.!!!                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sardar was caught by police for killing 20 people in rash driving. Police: How did uou kill 20 people..? Sardar: Me gaadi tez chala raha tha, par jab mene brake lagaya, to pata chala ki brake fail ho gayi hai.. fir me saamne dekha to 2 aadmi ja rahe the & dusri taraf 1 barat ja rahi thi.. Ab tum batao me gaadi kidhar modta..? Police: Of course, jis taraf 2 admi the.. nuksaan kam hota..! Sardar: Exactly... mene bhi wohi socha tha, par wo 2 admi meri gaadi dekh kar barat me ghus gaye..!! Sir - kaunsa panchhi sabse tez udta hai?  Boy - sir ... haathi Sir - nalayak!  Tera baap kya karta hai? Boy - chhota rajan ke gang mey shooter hai. Sir - shabash!

Boss: kaha Gaye the ?  Employee: Baal katwane  Boss: office hours me ? Employee: Baal badhe bhi to office hours me hee hai... Boss: ghar me bhi to badhte hai  Employee: to poore thode hee katwaye hai

Raju k penis k neeche ki ek goti kaali ho gayi. Doctor : Zehar fail gaya hai. Kaatni padegi Kuch dino baad dusri goti laal ho gayi. Doctor : Zehar zyaada fail gaya hai dusri bhi kaatni padegi. Kuch aur dino baad penis neela ho gaya. Doctor : Agar zinda rehna hai toh penis katwa lo. Aur Doctor ne uski jagah plastic ka penis laga diya.. Kuch dino baad plastic k penis hara ho gaya. DR : Oh ho !! Ab teri bimari samajh aa gai hai. Tera Underwear rang chod rahi hai..

Your ability to satisfy a woman in bed depends not on your size, stamina or money, but how u express ur thoughts about her.

Ek admi ne  apne Padosi ko sms kiya ,  Dear Sir ,  Aapko jara sa bhi andaza nhi hai lekin aapko ye jaan kar hairaani jaroor hogi aur gussa bhi aayega ... ki aapki knowledge mei aane diye bagair , I've been using ur WIFE . I used it double than u ordinarily use it...... I used it day and night ....! I really felt that my requirement for it was more than yours but it is not morally Okkey for me. And I must confess when I was wrong morally as well as legally.  But I am sure that you will excuse me for my such naughty act. As otherwise also u were equally keeping it unused. Logically there's nothing wrong if I grabbed the opportunity but it is against social values and moral values.  All expenses on your pocket and I am enjoying it for free. If you agree , (only if u agree ) from now onwards I am ready to bear 50% expenses or money spent on ur WIFE. or with no other option I will get my own.  I could have continued like this for ever without letting u know any

Guy- I Love u. Gal : Are you mad .....I m Married. I have a Husband.....  ......I have a Boy friend in my office and my ex boyfriend is still my neighbour....My boss proposed to me yesterday and i cant say NO to him.... & have one Serious Extra Marital Affair..... Guy (after a longggggggg pause)- "Pls Dekhle yaar...agar main bhi kahin adjust ho jau..."

The best example of "Doosro ki khushi me apni khushi dhoondhna". . . . . . . . . . . Watching Porn. ------------------------------------------------ What do you call a situation when two people are thinking of sex and rest of the people are thinking about food  Wedding  ------------------------ The "Smoking Kills" warning on cigarette packs is like girls saying, "Rehne Do, Koi Dekh Lega" - nothing more than a ritual! ------------------------------ A bad football team is like an old bra... no cups and little support! ------------------------------ A woman without curves is like a Jeans without pockets; You don't know where to puts your hands!                                                           ------------------------------ Behind a perfect cleavage, there is a woman who spent 1 hour pulling, squeezing and adjusting. Always respect her by staring at it!

गर्ल्स की प्रॉब्लम- Simple लड़के पसंद नहीं, Modern लड़के Sincere नहीं, रणबीर कपूर मिलता नहीं, . और . . . मैं इन चक्करों में पड़ता नहीं...  

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand. He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.' To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shovelling.' And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.' He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.' So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?' The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.' Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.' The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye

चु.दाई शुरू करने से पहले लड़का : कोई इसे प्यार कहता है, कोई इसे लव समझता है, कोई इसे खेल कहता है, कोई इसे रिस्क समझता है, तू मुझसे दूर कैसी है, मैं तुझसे दूर कैसा हूँ, ये तेरी चूत समझती है, या मेरा लंड समझता है। लडकी: ये तेरा लंड मेरी चूत को तो फाड़ देता है, चु.दाई करके तू अपना माल झाड देता है, चु.दाई ख़त्म होने पर मै ढंग से उठ ना पाती हूँ, कि इतनी देर में तू झंडा फिर से गाड देता है। लड़का: चु.दाई एक एहसासों की पावन सी कहानी है, कि कल उसकी बजाई थी, अभी इसकी बजानी है, जो मैंने माल झाड़ा है, तेरे लब पर तेरी बुर पर, जो तू समझे तो अमृत है, जो ना समझे तो पानी है। लडकी: ओ मेरी जान मैं तुझसे अभी चु.दवा नहीं सकती, मेरी अम्मा हैं घर पर, तेरे घर मैं आ नहीं सकती, किसी भी और दिन का प्लान करके मुझको बतला दे, मैं कितनी भी करूं कोशिश आज तो आ नहीं सकती। लड़का: एक दिन भी बिना चोदे तुझे मैं रह नहीं सकता, जुदाई को तेरी मैं और मेरा लंड सह नहीं सकता, तुझे आता हुआ ही देख कर हो जाता है ये टाइट, फिर उसके बाद बिना चोदे तुझे ये सो नहीं सकता। फिर लडकी किसी तरह से आ ही जाती है और चु.दाई शुरू हो जाती है। चु.दाई के दौरान

After the success of Rajnikant, Shikhar Dhawan, Aloknath and Arvind Kejriwal...Presenting for the first time....Nirupa Roy!!! 1. Nirupa Roy's laptop has got WIDOW-XP installed. 2. Nirupa Roy can instantly cry on a joke. 3. Nirupa Roy's laughing mms goes viral...she claims it's doctored. 4. Nirupa Roy has 6 sons. All of them are named Vijay. 5. After Nirupa Roy's first marriage, her father said by mistake: "Sada abhaagan raho!" 6. In her next flick, Nirupa Roy might lock lips with Alok Nath. 7. Cannes to roll out white carpet for Nirupa Roy's welcome. 8. Nirupa Roy's most horrifying nightmare: she saw that she was young!! 9. Nirupa Roy's most romantic moment: when her husband gave her flowers for the first time...on Mother's Day. 10. Nirupa Roy's daughter doesn't talk to her anymore as she tried to name her 'Vijay' when she was born. 11. Nirupa Roy has 73 shades of white in her wardro

#Kejriwal is so honest  that he doesn't call water 'Hot' considering the water may sue him for sexual harassment ---------------------------------------------- राजा हरिश्चन्द्र अपने तकिये के नीचे अरविन्द केजरीवाल की तस्वीर रखकर सोते थे । ---------------------------------------------- Yo #Kejriwal So Honest That he went for DNA test before writing his dad's name on high school form! --------------------------------------------- "सर केजरीवाल" इतने ईमानदार व्यक्ति हैँ, जिन्होंने अपनी शादी में लाखो का दहेज़ लेने के बाद अपने ससुर जी को उसकी रशीद काट के दे दिया था !!  ----------------------------------------------- KejriwalSoHonest that he sms his wife good night, even though she is sleeping beside him.

Salman: Gujarat mein daaru kidhar hai? Modi: Teri movies mein story kidhar hai? *High five*

Teacher: So what have you learned from this lesson? Student: Nothing much....Just Lavda Lasoon. Teacher: What? Pardon me....!! Student: Just...Loved The Lesson 

What would be movie name if Alok Nath directs them? 1. Kanyadaan No. 1 2. Kanyadaan at Wadala 3. Sanskari waale Kanyadaan Kar Jayenge 4. Maine Kanyadaan kyo kiya 5. Kanyadaan kiya toh drama kya Alok Naths favourite songs are “Where’s the Aarti tonight?” and “4 baj gaye lekin Aarti abhi baaki hai”. Alok Naths favourite actress is Mandir-a Bedi. Alok Nath played Samdhi-Samdhan when his friends played Doctor Doctor. When Alok Nath gets a gangsters role in a movie, he smokes dhoop instead of a cigar. Alok Nath sends Samdhan requests instead of Friend requests. Inspired by Koffee with Karan, Alok Nath plans to come with ‘Sanskar with Alok’. Alok Nath used to bunk classes and go to temple. When Alok Nath is out of reach on mobile, it says “Jis upbhokta ko aap call karna chahtein hain wo abhi Kanyadaan kar rahe hain”. Alok Nath had all the senior citizen privileges since he was 6 years old. What Santa Claus is to Christmas, Alok Nath is to weddings. Once Alok Nath gave a speech on a channel.

Girlfriend: ''Can You Tell Me??  What is My Bra Size??'' . Boyfriend: ''36.....'' . Girlfriend: ''WOW!!! How do you know??? . Boyfriend: ''Yesterday I Opened it.'' . Girlfriend: ''But in my Bra, there is no Number?'' . Boyfriend: ''So what Babe..... I am an Engineer, from Load I can Calculate Area...'' .  Engineer's ki jai ho!!!! 

The most sanskaari elements in chemistry... Alluminium   (Al) Oxygen         (O) Potassium     (K) Sodium         (Na) Thorium        (Th) ma kasam kya observation kiya hain jisne kiya rahega

It all started with CID ... then came RAJNIKANT ... next was ALOKNATH ... Ab bari hai Arvind Kejriwal ki... Kejriwal is so honest that no woman has ever asked him " do I look fat" Kejriwal is so honest that when he throws a party , he calls the cops at 10pm Kejriwal is so honest that he actually tests the level of salt in colgate Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads Kejriwal is so honest that , he always removes USB safely Kejriwal is so honest that , when he finds the bomb , he returns it to the terrorist Kejriwal is so honest that , he got his wife's brother arrested for stealing his shoes during  his marriage ceremony Kejriwal is so honest that , he cooks maggie only for 2 minutes Kejriwal is so honest that , he actually " rolls on the floor laughing" when he texts ROFL

May Makar Sankranti Fill Your Life With Sweetness! May The Sun Radiate Peace, Prosperity And Happiness In Your Life On Makar Sankranti And Always! Like A Bright And Beautiful Kolam May Your Days Be Sprinkled With Joy And Happiness! May The Makar Sankranti Bring In New Hopes And Good Harvest For You! Wishing You A Happy Makar Sankranti.

Al my life i die for ds shit Now i gonna live for this shit ------------------------------------------------------ tERI BanDi meRi fAN cAtcH mE iF u caN :P ----------------------------------------------- Love is the best medicine.. But Overdose can kill you! ----------------------------------------------- Life wil gve u mny surprises...sme wil b Gud  n sme wil b nt so Gud..bt u hve 2 accpt al the gifts wit happnes Bcoz ur life is also a gift.. ----------------------------------------------- Flirtationship status: I'm iPhone and she is Nokia  Fir bhi maine I Love You kaha to usne No-kia! ------------------------------------------------ In the absence of lOve .. I BeGan... SlowLy (buT suRely ) fAlling aPart ------------------------------------------------ Yes my ego is big, but my heart is bigger -----------------------------------------------

Rajnikanth In Dhoom 4.. He Will Steal 'Statue Of Liberty', 'Leaning Tower Of Pisa', 'Taj Mahal' And 'Eiffel Tower'..!!

Wife to Husband: sunoji, jo pandit ne hamara byaah karaya tha , woh gujar gaye.                     Husband to Wife : papon ka anjaam toh bugathna hi padega...

Sankranti, the festival of the Sun, May it bring you and ur Family the greater knowledge,wisdom and light up ur life for the entire new year. HAPPY  SANKRANTI

Railway TC: Baba kaha jaoge? Sadhu : Jaha Ram ka janam hua tha. TC: Ticket he ? Sadhu : Nahi he TC: To chalo.. Sadhu : Kahan? TC: Jaha Krishna ka janam Tha Bhagwan Aur Doctor Ko Kabhi Naraaz Mat Karna. kyu ki Bhagwan Naraaz To Aap Doctor Ke Paas. Aur Doctor Naraaz To Aap Bhagwan Ke Paas. Sab Setting Hai... The 4 dangerous weapons in the world: 1. Wife's Smile 2. Wife's Tears 3. Wife's Looks And the 4th most dangerous is Wife's Missed Call! 1 bacha mummy se Buri tarah pitne k baad papa se: Aap kabhi NARAK gaye ho...? Papa: Nai beta Boy: fir itni khofnaak cHeeZ laye kahan se...!! Santa ke Ghar NAVJOT SINGH SIDDHU ki Tasvir Lagi huvi Thi... Banta: Ye Kyon Laga Rakhi He..? Santa: LAUGHING BUDDHA Lene Gaya Tha...Dukandar ne Kaha Ye LATEST Hai....  Son : papa kal school main ek small get together hai..chaloge??? Father : small get together kya hota hai?? Son : only you me and principal...

Bollywood Movie Release in the year 2014. January 2014 Jan 3 Joe B. Carvalo Jan 3 Sholay 3D Jan 10 Dedh Ishqiya Jan 10 Yaariyan Jan 24 Jai Ho Jan 31 One By Two February 2014 Feb 7 Dishkiyaaoon Feb 7 Hasee Toh Phasee Feb 7 Heartless Feb 14 Gunday Feb 21 Darr @The Mall Feb 21 Highway Feb 28 Desi Magic Feb 28 Queen Feb 28 Shaadi Ke Side March 2014 Mar 7 Gulaab Gang  Mar 14 Bewakoofian  Mar 14 Hate Story 2  Mar 21 Ragini MMS 2 Mar 28 Happy Ending  Mar 28 Youngistan April 2014 Apr 4 Main Tera Hero  Apr 11 Bhoothnath Returns Apr 18 Gang of Ghosts  Apr 18 2 States  May 2014 May 1 Action Jackson  May 1 Holiday May 1 Samrat And Co. May 9 Daawat-E-Ishq  May 16 Fugly May 16 Heropanti May 30 Creature June 2014 Jun 6 P.K. Jun 20 Humshakals  Jun 20 Roy Jun 20 The Villain Jun 27 Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania July 2014 Jul 4 Finding Fanny  Jul 11 All Is Well Jul 27 Kick August 2014 Aug 8 Its Entertainment  Aug 15 Phantom  Aug 15 Singham 2 Aug 29 Shaatir September 2014 Sep 5 Kill Dil Sep 12 NH10 October 20

 Yaariyan  Movie is awesome...All location of movie is beautiful..Movie is shooted 2 diff place at Sikkim  n Australia. Music is superb.. Dialogue is also superb.. Songs r superb.. Yaariyan is about different characters, their bonding, their friendship, their problems, their fun, their mistakes, their relations. Some of dialogue of  Yaariyan Aaj Meri Life Ka First Kiss Hai yar...Ladki Ko Yaa Ladke Ko...Chod Dijiy N sir Ye Mera First kiss hai. Kisi Ne sahi kaha hai prince charming milne se pahle bahut sarein mendhakon ko kiss karna padta hai. Ladkiya Koi Tissue paper nahi hoti ....jo use kra aur phek diya ...Par aapko kisne use kiya..Mam. Ye Besabar dil toh khud nahi janta....Ki Tujhe Kitna Chahta hai Zindagi Mei Sabse Badi khushi tab hot Milti hai..Jab aapki country ka flag shaan se Lehra rha hota hai Papa ko hero bnane ka shauk tha..Isliy desh ke liy apani jaan de di  Ek din tumhe khud pta chal jayaga ki koi apne desh ke liye jaan kyu deta hai

Danny discovered his wife was cheating with another guy, so he went to d guy's wife and told her about it.  "I know what we will do",she said,"Let's take revenge on them."  So they went to a motel and had revenge on them.  After 10 mins, she said,"Let's have more revenge", and they took revenge again. So like this, they kept having more & more revenge... After 5 times, Danny was lying spent, and she said,"Lets take revenge again." Danny said,"I cant..I have no more hard feelings left.!!"

D weird Proposal ever... . . . . Boy: would u share ur Boobs With me N Our future kid . . . *slapped* 

She : Tumhari zip khuli hai.  Me : Tera bada dhyan hai waha pe?  *Gets slapped*

सर्दी के लिए खास टिप्: सुबह-सुबह सोकर उठो, तो किसी पर एक लोटा ठंडा पानी डाल दो.. उसके बाद वो उठकर आपको ऐसा गरम करेगा, कि पूरे दिन भर ठंढ नहीं लगेगी!!

If Vodka Was Water, & I Was a Duck, I'd Dive To The Bottom, & Never Come Up, But , Vodka's Not Water, & I'm Not a Duck,  So Slide Me a Bottle, & Shut The Hell Up! Friday Is Here.. Happy Weekends!

LOHRI DHAMAKA: Mainu msg krke wish kro te Jito  100 killo Mugfali  de chilke  50 killo ghachak de khali lifafe  Te mere nal Diner-o v tuhade ghar  *HAPPY LOHRI*

A man was preparing to go on a long ADVENTURE trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied.   He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The clerk said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... the Magic Penis!' The husband said, 'The what'?  The clerk repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.  The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks to me like a plain old dildo!'  The clerk pointed to the door and Said, 'Magic Penis, door!' The penis arose from its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole.  The whole door shook wildly with vibrations. So much so,that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the clerk said, 'Magic Penis, return to your box!' The penis stopped and returned to the box.  The husband was delighted, bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had

Every wife must read this..... Love him when he orders you to make tea or coffee. He wants to feel fresh to listen your nonstop talks..... Love him when he tells you to look after the kids..he wants you to be a good mother. .... Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females. ...he is just checking that you are still best. Love him if criticise your cooking. .he is still improving his taste..... Love him if snores at night and disturb your sleep. He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person Love him if he wears funny clothes ..he is just trying to look younger Love him if he forgets to give you gift on your birthday he is saving money for your future. .. Love him ..you don't have choice

लडकीयाँ  300 ki एक सेँडल खरीद के आएगी  और  "पूरे घर मे कहती हैँ  शाँपिँग करके आ रही हूँ" . . और लडके  1000 की दारु   पीकर  आते है फिर भी, . . "चुप चाप सो जाते है सादा जीवन उच्च विचार

3 simple steps for Happiness. 1) Make a peg, 2) Say cheers and finish it, 3) Repeat step 1 and 2 until I happy

People become really naughty on whatsapp... Even married women have put their status as "Available"

टीचर :- 'एक पन्त, दुई काज' मुहावरे को वाक्य में प्रयोग करो..? विद्यार्थी : - मुन्सिदास मूतन गए..।  मूतन लग गई पाद..।।  पादत-पादत.. हग दियो..।  एक पन्त, दुई काज..।। 

With so many layers of clothes in the winters, finding a woman's inner beauty is extremely challenging. 

"मेरी सफलता के पीछे बहुत सारे लोगों का हाथ है"। - श्रीमती Sunny Leone  ----------------------------------------------- Har kisi ko nahi milta yahan pyaar zindgi me. ~Sunny Leone ----------------------------------------------- Sunny leone (in tension) :- mujhe bhi business karna hai Me :- but y ?? What happened ?? Sunny :- mein kisike niche Kaam karna nahi chahti😜 ----------------------------------------------- Sunny Leone is the highest searched celabrity on Google..... Is se pata chalta hai ki bahumat abhi bhi 'Haath' ke saath hi hai. ----------------------------------------------- "250 me Sunny Leone with clothes ya free mein Sunny Leone without clothes"  - Marzi hai aapki aakhir wallet hai aapka Jackpot..  ---------------------------------------------- Sunny Leone said tat her coming up film is clean family film so I wonder whether she is promoting the film or demoting the film.

Bahut se logo ka hanth busy rakhne me sahyog karane k liye shirimati sunny Leone ka dhanyawad.

A guy told a girl that the penis is the only thing u can describe using all 26 letters of the alphabet. A - admire it B -blow it C - cuddle it D - double it E -excite it F - fondle it G - grease it H - handle it I - increase it J - jiggle it K - kiss it L - love it M - moisturize it N - nurture it O - over stretch it P - pull it Q - quash it R - rub it S - stroke it T - toss it U - use it V - violate it W - wet it X - xamine it Z - zip it. She asked "What about Y?" He replied "If u can do all then its Y - Yours!"

Once Alok Nath was returning from Kanyadaan ceremony in a BEST bus. As he was too tired to stand, he looked for seat but didn't got any. However he got one with the help of a bus conductor. Alok gave ASHIRVAAD to him, today we know that conductor as RAJNIKANT..

Boy: hey you really hot wana go out ? girl-i have a boy friend Boy: i have a math test tomorrow she-what does that have to do with anything Boy: i thought we were both listing things we could cheat on *blocked*

Bahu : I am going to supermarket Aloknath: Take my sanskaar Bahu: Ab baas bhi karo Aloknath: Arre I mean my son's car.

Dhoom 3 logic : 1. If you Take Loan From Bank, and if banks asks for repayment...They're wrong !! 2. Chicago Police Department Thinks Mumbai Police has better knowledge of Chicago State 3. Abhishek Bachan's Auto Rickshaw Is The Ultimate Vehicle Ever. 4. Aamir Khan's BMW Bike can turn to anything...almost anything -Boat -aeroplane - Sub marine - tooth brush - cell phone - tv remote - etc...ANYTHING 5. Abhishek Bachan Can have bike fallen onto him but still can get up and arrive at Crime Scene From Anywhere. 6. Cop from Mumbai has better Knowledge of chicago roads than Chicago Police it self. Pathetic story Line... Haha......Just Read This! Bande Hai Yeh Kiske.....Kisne Diya Inko Itna Zor....Chappal Se Dhoyenge Inko Agar Banaya Dhoom 4

5 things american movies teach us: 1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practicing kung fu. 2. More than 50% of US population are FBI/CIA agents working undercover. 3. The purpose of schools of US is to promote basketball/Baseball. 4. Aliens have special interest in attacking US. 5. US is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves and vampires. . . . . . 5 Things indian movies teach us: 1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil. 2. While defusing a bomb don't worry, whichever wire u cut... U always choose the right one. 3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up; But will show pain when a girl cleans up his wounds. 4. A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty. *The most hillarious* 5. If u decide to start dancing on the street everyone you meet will know the steps! 

Science Professor:  If a girl falls unconcious , give her mouth to mouth, blow air into her lungs and keep on pressing her chest with both your palms in quick succession...Any Questions..?Student: How to make her unconcious..??

Do baatein hamesha yaad rakhna: 1. Pahli baat Har insaan itna bura nahi hota jitna 'pan-card' aur 'aadhar card' mein dikhta hai. Aur itna achchha bhi nahi hota jitna 'facebook' aur 'whats app' per dikhta hai. 2. Aur dusri baat : Har aadmi itna bura nahi hota jitna uski 'biwi' usko samazti hai... Aur itna achcha bhi nahi hota jitna uski 'maa' usko samazti hai

B lyk a clock . . Alwayz keep mvng n. . . . ------------------------------------------------ Don't waste a lie, when the truth is already doing it's job  ------------------------------------------------ Naya Saal, Nayi Pratigya: Jo yaad karega wahi yaad rahega!!  ------------------------------------------------ People change like seasons. I always stay fabulous..  ------------------------------------------------ My relationship status: Waiting a miracle ------------------------------------------------ In someone's book, you are the main character.!! ------------------------------------------------ I always remembers life's many responsibilities only on Sunday night  ------------------------------------------------ PERFECTION is the outcome of a million mistakes. ------------------------------------------------ I Don't Insult Them ... I Jas Describe Them  ------------------------------------------------ Get comfortable with being

Dhoti ko thoda round ghumake, Pandit k jaisa tika lagake,Coconut ko rassi lagake Aa jao sare mood banake.. All the Babuji fans;dont miss the chance- Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan Mandir me jab ye bhajan lagega, havan k paas aana padega, Dhoti ko uthana padega, Aarti krke dikhana padega.. All the Babuji fans;dont miss the chance- Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan,Kanya Daan Night jaagran me aya mai to, mujhko rokega kon aur kayko Mera mood mai Kanyadaan karega- kisi ladki k daddy se ni darega.. Jisko aashirwad lena h le lo-idhar hi mai khada pair pakad lo.. Mandir me jake pujari ko puchlo, mere bare me 'Wikipedia' pe padh lo.. Kanya Daan Kanya Daan Kanya Daan Kanya Daan

Sambha was the most unfortunate man in Sholay. Veeru pe nishaana lagane ke chakkar mein Basanti ka naach nahi dekh paya & gets killed by Jai

आँधियों के रुख से सिंहासन डोलने लगे है..!! इंसानी जजबातो को तराजु में तौलने लगे है..! ये है हमारे मोदी जी का जलवा कि सिंहासन खोने के डर से गूँगे भी बोलने लगे है..!!

Wife (angrily) - I don't believe this... u forgot my birthday again?? How can you do this... Husband - how can you expect me to remember your birthday when u never look older.. Wife (clear her throat and smile) - liar Husband noo jaanu Sacchi  Husband in his mind (sahi time pe dialogue aa gya beta...warna marta aaj...)

A Beautiful & Shinning Stars have been spread near the MOON, and they are dancing and looking like decorative ornaments.. Dont Miss this Lovely Scene,and enjoy Sweet Dreams GOOD NIGHT -------------------------------------------------------- Always Our Mind Working & Thinking As Internet.. Sometime Keep Away From All These..& Sleep Early To Enjoy Peaceful Mind…. Be Calm & Take Rest Good Night… ------------------------------------------------------- I still cannot close my eyes and it’s too late; the reason is that every time we see each other I get very emotional and cannot stop thinking about you. Have a good night. ------------------------------------------------------- It is impossible to sleep without seeing the beauty of your face even for a brief moment; you fill my days with joy. Sweet dreams! ------------------------------------------------------------------ It will be midnight soon and up in the sky, the moon glows, and the stars t

Successful people do nine things differently than everyone else. 2. The rest of us hold ourselves back in five major ways. 3. But don't stress! Just change the way you think about stress. 4. To spot new opportunities, imagine yourself in the future. 5. And act like a leader before you are one. 6. Decide what not to do in order to make time for the work that matters. 7. Keep meetings on track. Please. 8. Try not to make decisions when you're nervous. 9. Money can actually buy happiness (if you give it away). 10. Give away your time while you're at it. 11. Basically, be generous. 12. And say "thank you." 13. Be quiet (sometimes). 14. Ask for feedback. 15. Pick the right battles to fight at work. 16. Don't be too confident. 17. Challenge yourself with a growth mindset. 18. Go to sleep. 19. Seriously, go to sleep. 20. And go for a walk, too. 21. Remember: It's really hard to change.

Presenting Yo Yo Alok Nath Laal Saari, hypnotise teri kardi a mennu, I swear! Puri dress mein Sanskari lagdi mennu, Glossy jumke, uff yeah Bindiya, Beti lagdi e Dulhan, hari om hari om Heart Attack kare teri vidhai ka dar. Laal Saari, hypnotise teri kardi a mennu, I swear! Puri dress mein Sanskari lagdi mennu, Sanskari lagdi mennu, Sanskari lagdi mennu. Mera aashirwad liya kar jab m kanyadan krta hu , Me wo babuji jo sirf rota rehta hu, Shadi m aaya hu ,tera kanyadan karlu, Dek lunga tere saas aur sasur nu.. Leke chalu mandir ,nariyal todke, sidhe aashirwad du ,na du tolmol k tonight m gonna hold agarbati light kar diya tera kanyadan phne krke garhpe bol de Laal Saari, hypnotise teri kardi a mennu, I swear! Puri dress mein Sanskari lagdi mennu, Glossy Jumke, uff yeah Bindiya, Beti lagdi e Dulhan, hari om hari om Heart Attack kare teri vidhai ka dar. Satsang pe chalna hai ya pehle jayegi Mandir, Nahi mera matlab, Sa

See some more.... # Alok Nath cuts Mathura ke pede instead of cake on his birthday. # Aloknath had all the Senior Citizen privileges since he was 6 years old. # Alok Nath's idea of a music concert is a mata ka jagrata. # Alok Nath's talk show would be called "Aashirwad with Alok" # Q: Which car does Alok Nath drive?  A: Sanskar After Chuck Norris, Rajinikanth, Sir Jadeja, presenting the new legendary figure: ALOK NATH!!! 1. When Alok Nath sees a girl with a guy, he does her kanyadaan then and there. 2. The number of unmarried daughters Alok Nath has is too damn high. 4. Alok Nath celebrates new year by playing passing-the-parcel with family and Antakshari. 5. Alok Nath is a SI unit of संस्कार 6. Alok Nath जी तो candle light dinner भी दिया, अगर बत्ती लगा कर करते हैं 7. Alok Nath apni khud ki shadi me bhi ladki waale the 8. Rapists should be made to watch Alok Nath's movies as Punishment. 9. Alok Nath Institute

Enough of Rajnikant jokes... Time for some Alok Nath jokes... When Alok Nath was born; Doctor Said, "Badhai ho, Babuji huay hain" «««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««Alok Nath is so sanskari that he smokes agarbattis ««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« The only two wars Alok Nath has seen in his life.- Haridwar and Pariwar ««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« Alok Nath CV Reads as:- Degree- MBA in Kanyadaan Skills- Sanskaar Experience- 10022848 Kanyadaans done Hobby- Giving Ashirwads! ««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« "In school days, Alok Nath bunked a lecture to attend his daughter's wedding. ««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« Alok Nath has never received salary , he always receives pension. ««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« Alok Nath carried Hanuman Chalisa to school instead of Notebooks ««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« Alok Nath eats Prasad as Starters ««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« Alok Nath believes in 'Aa

मुन्ना: मुन्नी वो दिन याद करो, जब हम-तुम साथ नहाते थे. तुम चुत पे साबुन मलती थी, हम लंड पे झाग उड़ाते थे. मुन्नी:- मुन्ना वो दिन बीत गए, अब चुत छुपाने की है बारी, भूलो उन बीती यादों को, मुन्नी भारत की अब है नारी. मुन्ना: मुन्नी वो दीन याद करो.. जब हम डाक्टर-मरीज़ बन जाते थे. दिल की धड़कन चेक करने को, चूची पे रगड़ लगाते थे. मुन्नी: मुन्ना वो दिन बीत गए, अब चूची चोली के अंदर है. घूर-घूर के देख तू मम्मे, अब तू भूखा बंदर है. मुन्ना: मुन्नी वो दिन याद करो.. जब हम-तुम साथ में सोते थे, तुम चुत में खेती करती थी, हम लंड पे गंने बोते थे. मुन्नी: मुन्ना वो दिन बीत गए, जब चुत में होती थी खेती. अब लंड की फसलो की डर से चुत अकेली है सोती. मुन्ना: मुन्नी वो दिन याद करो. जब लुका-छीपी खेलते थे हम. तुम लहंगा पहन के आती थी, और उसमे छुप जाते थे हम. मुन्नी: मुन्ना वो दिन बीत गए. जब घुस गए थे तुम लहंगे में. अब तुम पूरे भालू हो, और शहद का छात्ता लहेंगे मे मुन्ना: मुन्नी वो दिन याद करो. जब साथ में खेले थे होली.

एक फौजी की शादी तय हुई पर शादी वाले दिन दुल्हन भाग गई बड़ी मुश्किल कि क्या करें फौजी के डर से दुल्हन के भाई को घूंघट डाल कर फेरों पर बिठा दिया । पर होनी थी कि फौजी का लड़ाई का बुलावा आ गया और फौजी को तुरंत जाना पड़ा । शादी के बाद... अब नई दुल्हन के साथ सोने के लिये फौजी की मां ने उसकी बहन धन्नो को भेज़ दिया, दुल्हन के भाई ने उसको चोद दिया । अब अगले दिन धन्नो ने साथ सोने के लिये मना कर दिया । तब उसकी मां ने दूसरी बहन बन्नो को सोने के लिये भेजा, दुल्हन के भाई ने उसको भी चोद दिया । अब अगले दिन बन्नो ने भी साथ सोने के लिये मना कर दिया । अबकी बार उसकी मां ने फौजी के भाई कल्लू को सोने की भेजा, दुल्हन के भाई ने उसकी गांड मार ली । अब अगले दिन कल्लू ने भी साथ सोने के लिये मना कर दिया । अब उसकी मां खुद ही सोने चली गई,दुल्हन के भाई ने उसको भी चोद दिया । तब फौजी की माँ ने खत लिखा... धन्नो चुद गई बन्नो चुद गई कल्लू की फट गई गांड साठ साल की बुढ़ीया चुद गई बहु के निकला ला़ंड बेटा घर जल्दी आ जा...

Media : Sir Adarsh scam pe kuch boliye.  Rahul Gandhi : Paise khaata hai wo.  Media : Kaun sir?  Rahul Gandhi : Taran Adarsh, Dhoom-3 dikha di jhooth bol ke * News reporter commits suicide*