Best Funny Jokes - Latest Hindi English Jokes

A girl was staring at me, I walked to her and said 'satyamev jayate' starting from 5th October. She gave me her number and said let's watch it together !!!

Girl calls Boy "Ghar pe koi nai hai. Aa jaao, Aish karenge" Boy (shocked) "Abhi to tere saath 2 baar kar ke  lauta hu?" Girl: Oh, Sorry phir se tumhe hi lag Gaya..

Nawaz Sharrif to Modi : "Congratulations on penetrating Mars. What is the next target ??" Modi replies : "UR-ANUS,,

जिनके दिन खराब चल रहे होते हैं, . . . उनके सपने में सन्नी लियॉन भी साड़ी पहन के आती है...

One day Jonson an ✈aeroplane cleaner was cleaning the pilots’ cockpit when he saw a book entitled “How to fly an aeroplane✈ for beginners. Volume One”.  He opened the first page which said, “To start the engine, press the red button.”.  He did so and the airplane engine started.  He was happy and opened the next page. “To set airplane moving press the blue button.”  He did so and the ✈aeroplane started moving at an amazing speed.  He wanted to fly so he opened the third page which read, “To let the aeroplane fly, please press the green button.”  He did this and the plane started to ✈✈✈fly.  He was excited!!!!!!  After 20 minutes of flying, he was satisfied and wanted to land so he decided to go to the fourth page. He fainted after reading the instructions…….  The fourth page read, “To learn how to land, please purchase Volume Two at the nearest bookshop!!!!

Having a “new boyfriend” every month doesn't mean you gorgeous it means you easy and retarded ... ---------------------------------------------- Alcohol doesn't make you fat , it make you lean on .. tables,chairs and random people ... --------------------------------------------- *missed a call* *calls back* *no answer* WTF, did u die within 3 seconds ... --------------------------------------------- Today at the park I saw a boy sleeping on a bench. So I called the police and said I saw a kid napping ... --------------------------------------------- That awkward moment when twins are fighting one calls the other one ugly .. --------------------------------------------- My eating schedule: breakfast Snack brunch snack lunch snack pre dinner snack dinner midnite snack ... ---------------------------------------------

Reaction after india's succesful mars mission:- Alia bhatt = Ab 'MARS' wali chocolate aur bhi sasti ho jayegi.. Rahul gandhi = Mein mars se chunav ladunga... Priyanka Gandhi = We should change the name of mars to Rajiv Gandhi Lal Grah.. Anil ambani = my ipl team cricketers will be from MARS. i will name it after my wife's  name   "MARS TINA HOTTERS". Sonia Gandhi = Martians should be declared as Minorities... Kejriwal =  It is illegal step by Modi's government to conquer mars. Hum MARS par dharna karenge.. Geelani =  We want Mars free from India... Chidambaram = Mars is a Special Economic Zone area. It Should be given to Robert vadera   And the best statement comes from pakistan Bilawal Bhutto = Hum Mars ka ek ek inch bharat se le lenge ....

The best example of "Doosro ki khushi me apni khushi dhoondhna". Watching Porn. -------------------------- What do you call a situation when  two people are thinking of sex and rest of the people are thinking about food? Wedding -------------------------- The "Smoking Kills" warning on cigarette packs is like girls saying, "Rehne Do, Koi Dekh Lega" - nothing more than a ritual! -------------------------- A bad football team is like an old bra... no cups and little support! -------------------------- A woman without curves is like a Jeans without pockets; You don't know where to put your hands! -------------------------- Behind a perfect cleavage, there is a woman who spent 1 hour pulling, squeezing and adjusting. Always respect her by staring at it! -------------------------- Obscene caller: Hi baby, if you can guess what's in my hand I will let you have it. Lady: Lis

May Mata Bless You On This Special Day Of Navratri, And May On This Festive Season Dhan, Yash And Samriddhi Comes To your Home, Happy Navratri..

If Electrical Engineers make Hindi films, The names will be like this :- * Current Ho Na Ho* * Jaanam Supply karo* * Circuit wale Inductor Lejayenge* * Kabhi AC Kabhi DC* * Hamara IC Aap ke Paas He* * Fuse Lagaya to Darna Kya* * Capacitor No.1* * Hum Signal De Chuke Sanam* * Fuse To Udna Hi Tha*

फिल्म "दावते इश्क" देख रहा हूँ,  एक कपल बगल कि सीट पे "दबाते हुए इश्क" कर रहे हैं  Dawat-E-Ishq ----------------------------------------------- Boy- Tum bahut badal gayi ho..... Girl- Haan jabse tu meri life me aaya hai.  Boy- Matlab?  Girl- Harami 34 se 36 kar diye tune.  ----------------------------------------------- Ladies: An Intelligent man will open your Mind.. A Handsome man will open your Eyes.. & A Gentleman will open your Heart.. I'm Intelligently Handsome Gentleman, i will open your clothes.. ----------------------------------------------- When your father tell you, "Tum new generation kya jaano, Maa-baap bachcho ke liye kya kya krte hai"... Then 'sex' is not an appropriate reply. ----------------------------------------------- People who smoke a Cigarette and say, "I did not inhale",  . . . . is like a girl saying ".... "When I su

Classic misunderstanding.... Boy: Hey, Happy Birthday! Girl: ThankZ! Boy: So, BP kab de rhi h?  Girl: Pendrive toh de....  Boy: Arre , I mean Birthday Party....  Girl: *speechless* --------------------------------------------- A man died due to excessive masturbation. He later got spermveer chakra.. --------------------------------------------- Boy: I love you Girl: I love you too Boy: Muh mei legi? Girl: Badtameez,harami,go to hell Boy: Bas Mujhe aisi sanskaari ladki hi chahiye thi --------------------------------------------- Earlier, I tweet.. "I need a man to fill the hole in my heart", and no one replies.. Later I tried again by taking out the "in my heart" part.. and Now I'm Busy Blocking the assholes..  --------------------------------------------- Teen BB Jinko Saari Duniya Chutiya Kahti H  1- BlackBerry 2 - Bilawal Bhutto 3 - Big Boss ----------------------

Once a Girl asked an engineer, "Why we have units to measure Weight, Height, Length, Money,etc. But nothing to measure Love, Trust, Friendship. Why? Why? Why? The engineer thought for a while, took her in his arms, looking in her deep eyes and said "Dekh lavdi already mujhe 3 subject me back hai, ghar pe gaand lagi padi hai ab Tu aur dimaag ka bhosda mat kar.. aur itna he naapne ka man kar raha hai toh lavda naap mera..

Baat toh hue thi mujhe dil se  pyaar❤️ karne ki  Par mauka milte hee Chut maar gYa 

#Dirty_post Q."what does the woman said before the start of the sex?" "aandolan" :p --------------------------------------------- कुछ तो बाकी है तेरे मेरे दरमियाँ एह जानेमन, यों ही नही तेरी याद में मेरा लंड खड़ा हो जाता है  😜😊😳☺️😉 --------------------------------------------- Guys who are selfie addicted like girls Do you also get periods? --------------------------------------------- प्यार इश्क मोहब्बत . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .  ये अच्छे खासे इंसान को चुतिया बना देता है इनसे जितना दूर रहो खुश रहोगे 😜😜 ----------------------------------------------- ज़रूरी नही है की किसी को नापसंद करने की कोई वजह हो... कुछ भोसडीके पैदा ही होते है गालिया खाने के लिए।

कोई चेहरे का दीवाना, कोई इख्लाक् का तालिब् !! अदाएं पीछा करवाती हैं, मौहब्बत कौन करता है । ----------------------------------------------- फ़िर कहां हिसाब रहता है ??? इश्क़ जब बेहिसाब हो जाए !!! ❤️ ----------------------------------------------- ए जिंदगी तेरे हर हालात में ढलने लगा हूँ, मैं अब धीरे धीरे संभलने लगा हूँ...! ----------------------------------------------- बहुत सोचा, बहुत समझा, बहुत ही देर तक परखा, तन्हा हो के जी लेना मोहब्बत से बेहतर है.!! ----------------------------------------------- वफा की लाज में मना लेते तो अच्छा था !! माना के जंग में अक्सर जुदाई जीत जाती है !!

A couple had a fight Husband : I feel like informing everybody that u are useless!! Wife : Rehne do...I will myself inform everybody that I am used less...

English seekhne wali biwi ne pati ko aawaz lagaai....  aji sunte ho. Pati: main thakaa huaa hoon..mujhe shaanti se aaram karne do. Biwi: Sorry ji... Rest in Peace. 

LOL has Three Meanings :- For Normal people - Laugh out loud  For Lovers :- Lots of Love  For Me : Lauda or lehsun 

Had kardi magic wale message ne ..... . Ye burning ciggratte 4 grp me bhejo, dhua admin ki gand se niklega. It works 100% Try it !!...

Apple iPhone6 in India Approx Rs.65k. Other option Bangkok return ticket: 21k Stay:10k Massage:3K Shopping: 14k Savings: 17K Come back to India and buy Xiaomi mi3, MOTO G,  at 13k #YouAreWelcome You still have 4k for friends

A Blonde Entered Angrily Into The Store, Slapped A Package On The Counter & Said: “What The Hell’s This?” Clerk: “Why? Your Cat Didn’t Like Them? Blonde Looking Embarrassed Whispered: “You Mean ‘Pussy Treats’ Is For Cats?”

Most Dashing Line Written On The Front Of T-Shirt Of Newly Engaged Girl. . . . . . . . . . . “Opening Shortly“

A girl will have CRUSH on any guy if the guy has a sweet CANDY below  Thats the reason why girls love to play CANDY CRUSH 

Seeing a spider isn't too much of a problem. It becomes a problem when it disappears ----------------------------------------------- My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face. ----------------------------------------------- Sleep is my drug My bed is my dealer And my alarm clock is the police. ----------------------------------------------- I hate when I'm trying to pull the blankets up and I end up punching myself in the face. ----------------------------------------------- The best way to tell someone you don't like them is to text them "370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down. ----------------------------------------------- Jesus can walk on water .... I can walk on cucumbers ... Cucumbers 96% water.  Me: 96% jesus .. ;) ----------------------------------------------- I love it when the laugh is funnier than the joke :) ----------------------------------------------- I like to nam

1995- Oh My God! He has a mobile phone  . . .  . . . 2014- Oh My God! They have a land line at home

My hubby/wife is one of my greatest blessings from God.  His/her love is a gift that I open everyday ---------------------------------------------- Your LOVE  and My EFFORT together will conquer the WORLD...!!! ---------------------------------------------- I started beliving in LOVE wen u said 4 the 1⃣st tym tat LOVE is BEAUTIFUL THING  ---------------------------------------------- My reason for smiling,  My reason for living.  My reason for loving,  My reason for caring.  My reason for everything I do, is simply you.  So never change!  I love you❤️ ---------------------------------------------- When You Are Crying.!!  Think About Her And You Smile..  ---------------------------------------------- Our dayz r happier wen v giv people bit of our heart rather dan piece of our mind....

Chalo jaldi jaldi batao sabske bhayanak gaali kaunsi suni hai tumne aajtak... Maine aaj ek suna wohi ek bacha de raha tha... " Teri maa ki chut me palang daalke teri behen ko chodu" 

Behind every 'Wow, congrats bhai you deserved her  . .  there's a ' is suwar ko  bhi bandi mil gayi, ek main hi reh gaya hun' 

From my 6y old daughter : Dear teacher Thankyou for making study so simple , Thankyou for making lesson so easy. You are the best, better than the rest . You are the sun among the stars. With you everything is so much of fun N you will forever be number 1.  अज्ञान के अंधेरे से, ज्ञान के अजाले तक ले जाने के िलय धन्यवाद !!!

ICC Cricket World Cup 2015 Schedule:  14_02_2015_Sri vs Nz  14_02_2015_Eng vs Aus  15_02_2015_Sa vs Zim  15_02_2015_Pak vs Ind  16_02_2015_Wi vs Ire  17_02_2015_Nz vs Q3  18_02_2015_Ban vs Q2  19_02_2015_Zim vs Q4  20_02_2015_Eng vs Nz  21_02_2015_Pak vs Wi  21_02_2015_Aus us Ban  22_02_2015_Sri vs Q2  22_02_2015_Sa vs Ind  23_02_2015_Eng vs Q3  24_02_2015_Wi vs Zim  25_02_2015_Ire vs Q4  26_02_2015_Q2 vs Q3  26_02_2015_Sri vs Ban  27_02_2015_Sa vs Wi  28_02_2015_Ind vs Q4  28_02_2015_Aus vs Nz  01_03_2015_Eng vs Sri  01_03_2015_Pak vs Zim  03_03_2015_Sa vs Ire  04_03_2015_Pak vs Q4  04_03_2015_Aus vs Q2  05_03_2015_Ban vs Q3  06_03_2015_Ind vs Wi  07_03_2015_Pak vs Sa  07_03_2015_Zim vs Ire  08_03_2015_Nz vs Q2  08_03_2015_Aus vs Sri  09_03_2015_Eng vs Ban  10_03_2015_Ind vs Ire  11_03_2015_Sri vs Q3  12_03_2015_Sa vs Q4  13_03_2015_Ban vs Nz  13_03_2015_Eng vs Q2  14_03_2015_Ind vs Zim  14_03_2015_Aus vs Q3  15_03_2015_Wi vs Q4  15_03_2015_Pak vs Ire  18_03_2015_1st Quatar Final:  19