Best Funny Jokes - Latest Hindi English Jokes

No offense guys... Chicken Story (Mind blowing climax): A farmer rears  25 young hens and one old cock... As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market... Old cock to Young cock: Old cock: Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity... Young cock: What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired. Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some? Young cock: No!! Not even one, all of them will be mine. Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all. Young cock:  OKKK.. What kind of competition? Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters. Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning. In the morning the Young cock allows the Ol

Arrested for laughing ...!! This is from an actual trial in the UK. A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more. She filed a court case on him. In the court the man's defence was:- When the lady boarded the bus i couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon".. I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:- "William's stick did the trick".. Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:- "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident".. The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing !...

Ye 1 darawni kahani hai , kamjor dil wale ise na padhe..!! Barsat ki 1 raat me 1 budha aadmi hath me 1 kitab bechne ke liye khada tha, 1 aadmi aaya aur usne wo kitab 3000/- mein kharid li.. Budhe aadmi ne kitab de kar kaha:- Jabtak koi musibat na aye kitab ka LAST PAGE mat dekhna. Aadmi ne kitab puri pad li lekin dar ke karan last page nahi khola. 1 din usse raha nahi gaya aur last page khol ke dekh hi liya aur sadme se mar gaya.. last page par likha tha.. . . . . . . . . . . . . MRP- Rs.10/- only!. hahahahahahahaha

A Nano breaks down on a roadside . A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver. "I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights" They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km/h. The BMW driver totally forgets about the nano & guns it after the Porsche. Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ: "Calling all stations :: You won't believe this, I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at bout 190 km/h with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake.

Santa is back Santa public toilet gaya or 1ghante baad nikla. Jamadar bola : 20 rs. Santa -: Saale Bathroom mai baithta tha CYBER CAFE main nahi..! Teacher To Santa- Isko Hindi mei translate karo She is kidding Santa hasne lga or table par hi gir gya or bola. . . .itna asan WOH BACHE DE RAHI HAI Doctor To Santa: Aap ki Ek Kidney Fail Ho Gayi Hai.. . Santa Pehle To Bohat Roya Phir Aansu Ponchte Huwe . . . . . . . . . . . Kitne Number Se ?? 😀 Santa to Banta: Yaar koi aisa valentine gift bataa jo seedha teri bhabi ke dil per lage . . ... . . . ... . Banta: Goli mar de  Santa Sharab pite pite Rone Laga... Banta: Kya hua Ro Q Rahe Ho? Santa: Yaar Jis Ladki ko Bhulane ke Liye Pi raha thaUska Naam Yaad Nahi Aa Raha..  1 Girl Fasi Laga rhi thi Santa ne Window se Dekha Socho Santa kya bola hoga? Sirf latkne se height nhi bdhegi mumy ko bolo COMPLAN pilaye. 😀 Snta- pant ki silai kitni h? Tailor-15

Killer shayaris are back Using ur brain is strictly, V.Strictly prohibited... 1.) Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter, Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Litre 2.) IPL ke matches dekh ke logon ko maza aaraha hain, 12 saal se CID ka Daya ek hi Qualis Chala raha hain 3.) Na jaan na pehchaan, tu mera mehmaan, And the award goes to A.R.Rehman. 4.) Manchester United mein khelta hain ROONEY ACP Pradhuymann ne kaha " aakhir chahta kya hain khooni" 5.) Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar, Diagram galat ho gaya, rubber de rubber 6.) Teri adao pe main waari waari.. Dial 139 for railway enquiry. 7.) Na jine ki aarzu na marne ka khauf.. The number you are trying is currently switched off. 8.) Apne gamo ko bas dil me daba lo. Naya godrej powder hair dye,Bas kaato gholo aur laga lo. 9.) yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak.... Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK.. 10.) mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta ha

The Pastor baptized John and dipped his head in water 3 times. After the 3rd time he said : "You are now baptized. You are a new creation; your old creation is gone. No more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is David." David went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Budweiser Beer, dipped it in water 3 times and said : "You are now a new creation; your old one is gone. Your new name is Orange Juice =))

The International Council of Man Laws. 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit

1. Dr.:- Aapke 3 daant kaise tut gaye..? Sardar:- Ji wo wife ne kadak roti banai thi. Dr.:- To khane se mana kar dete. Sardar:- Ji wo hi to kiya tha... 2. Sardar got an sms from his Girlfriend written as "I Miss You". Sardar ne apna dimag laga ke 2 ghante baad reply bheja "I Mr.You". 3. Sardar ne 1 raah chalti ajnabi ladki se kaha:- Aapne pehchana mujhe ko. Ladki:- Nahi aap koun ho..? Sardar:- Main wahi hu jisko aapne parso bhi nahi pehchana tha. 4. Sardar math ke paper me dance kar raha tha. Kisi ne pocha ye kya kar rahe ho..? Sardar:- Yaar mere sir ne kaha tha ke her step ke no. hote h. 5. Sardar Bill gates se:- Tum pagal ho. Bill:- Why..? Sardar:- Tumhara surname Gates h aur business tum Windows ka karte ho. 6. Sardarni wrote a msg. to sardar:- Ghar kab aa rahe ho. msg. karke batao. Sardar sent msg. to her:- Nahi bata sakta msg. free nahi h. 7. 1 Sardar ne apni car ke niche kutte ko leta hua dekha to kutte ko 1 dum se kheecha aur kha:

Bill Gates goes to purgatory. St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Bill chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?" St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."

BE, ME, MBA kar k kya karna hai, Aakhir ek din sabko marna hai, Chaar din khushi se kat le dost, kyunki agle jnam me phir nursery se Hi Shuru Karna Hai.

Listen to this conversation between daddy and his girl . Wonderful confession by a girl and amazing reply she got.. She : dad I m in love with a boy who is far away from me. I m in india and he lives in uk. We met on matrimonial website, Became friends on fb, Had long chats on whatsapp, Proposed each other on skype, N now 2 months of relationship through viber, I need ur blessings and good wishes ''oh daddy', Her dad said : Now get married on twitter, Have fun on tango, Buy your kids from ebay, Send them through gmail, And if u r fed up with ur husband.... OLX " pe bech de "!!!!

All new series of Rajnikanth: Rajnikanth was shot today… Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral! Rajnikanth killed a terrorist in Pakistan 'via Bluetooth'! Rajnikanth can draw a straight line with a compass! Rajnikanth knows who let the dogs out!! Rajnikanth`s pulse is measured in Richter scale! The new Rupee symbol is actually Rajnikanth`s signature!!! When God watched Robot, he said, "Oh my Rajnikanth!" Rajnikanth has a statue of Madame Tussauds at his house!! Rajnikanth is the secret of Boost`s energy; and Complan is a Rajnikanth boy! Rajnikanth participated in 100m race, obviously he came first, but Einstein died watching that since Light came second!! Intel's new ad: "Rajnikanth Inside" ————————- When Alexander Graham Bell first used his telephone, he realized that he already had two missed calls from Rajinikanth. ———————————- Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North??? . . Because, RAJINIKANTH lives in the South an

AJ: Paros wali Aunty mujhe bohat tang karti theen.. Jab b kisi ki Shadi hoti wo mere gaal kheench k kehti “AB TUMHARI BARI HAI” Phir maine un ki ye aadat khatam karwa di. DJ: Kaise ? AJ: Jab koi Mar jata tou main un k Gaal kheench k kehti.. “AB AAP KI BARI HAI”

India is nation and Dadar is station, wha wha India is nation and& Dadar is station, Do not fall in love, First complete your Education..!!

Arz kiya he........ Gaur Farmaiyega... Jab dekha unhone tirchi nazar se, Kasam khuda ki madhosh ho gaye hum, Par jab pata chala nazar parmanant tirchi hai, To wahi khade-khade behosh ho gaye hum. Ek aur...... Ankho main nami thi, Aur vitamin ki kami thi.. Wah Wah, Jis se raat bhar chatting ki woh girl friend ki mummy thi.. Ek aur.... Koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko. Nuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb se udaa do saale ko. Bus last..... Tajmahal kya cheez hai, isse badi imarat banaunga, Mumtaz to marke dafan hui thi, tujhe to mein zinda dafnaunga. Bus iske baad khtam..... Hasi ke liye gam kurban, khushi ke liye aansoo kurban, dost ke liye jan bhi kurban, Aurr agar dost ki girlfreind mil jaye to... saala dost bhi kurban... '("3 Dost The" )' Billu=Gullu=Ulloo.. Billu=B.S.C Main pad raha hai.. Gullu = M.A main pad raha hai. Or Hamara Ulloo: what's app. Pad raha hai. 'Haa Haa Haa'

1 larka 1 larki ko cafe me akaly betha dakh kr larki ki table pe gya or kaha: Kia me ap ky sath beth skta hn . ? Larki (chilai): Nhi me aj rat tmhare sath nahe guzar skti. Sub l0g dekhny lagy, Larka sharminda ho geya, Kuch dar bad larki us k pas gai or mafi mangi or kaha: Me NAFSIYAT ki stdnt ho or parh rhi hn k log sharminda ho k kia MEHS0S krty hain, Larka(CHILAYA): what?? 10 hazar 1 rat k buhat ziyada hain kuch kam kr0 yr, sub log larki ko dekh kr hansny lagy, or phir ahista se b0la: ab MAHSOS kr sali. I am tha student of "Allama iqbal open university . . . . .

2 tamil men get onto a bus in New York . They sit down & engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next 2 them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears 1 of them say the following: "Emma cums first. Den I cum. Den two asses cum together. I cum once-a-more! 2 asses, they cum 2gether again. I cum again and pee twice. Then I cum one lasta time." The lady can't take this any more and shouts "You foul- mouthed sexobsessed Indian, in this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives however extraordinary they are." "Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. "Who talkin' about sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

BOY : I want us to be in a relationship . GIRL : Its okay but under one condition. BOY : Which one ? GIRL : No sex, bcoz am preserving it for my future husband. BOY : Thats okay, I also have my condition. GIRL : Which one ? BOY : No using of my money coz am preserving it for my future wife!!! GIRL : Lo tum tho serious ho gaye.. Arre I ws kidin jaanu

New teacher - all the students introduce your name and hobbies 1st boy - my name is nilesh and my hobby is watching  moon 2nd boy -my name is sandy and my hobby is watching  moon 3rd boy- my name is khan and my hobby is watching  moon. All boys told same hobby And then teacher says: gud,now its girls turn 1st girl: my name is  moon.

BULLET wala SCOOTY wali se:- kabhi bullet chalai h?? . . Girl tez krke aage nikalgai. . . Boy barabar me aakr: Kabhi bullet chalai hai?? . . . Girl slow ho gayi. . . Aage jakar boy ka accident ho gaya . . . . Girl:- Aur chala le bullet.. . . . Boy:- kamini Bandariya yahi to puchraha tha, chalai hai to bata de break kaise lagate hain...

See how people write leave applications. It's murder of the english language.... The Leave Applications Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows: "Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave." _________________________ This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:"As I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.." _________________________ Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "As I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.." _________________________ From H.A.L. Administration Dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it please grant me 10 days leave." _________________________ Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Sinc

Two girlzz were playing chess (joke doesn't end here). . girl 1- Chal yaar bas karte hain, pak rahe hai. . girl 2: Haan yaar, waise bhi tera sirf haathi bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda. . The joke doesn't end here either:O . Phir waha ek ladka aata hai. . Boy: Chalo girlzz, chess khelate hai. both girlzz: Nahi, tum to hume aasanise hara doge. . Boy: Chalo yaar. Tum dono aur mai akela. . both girl:Phir bhi hum haar jayenge . Boy :Okay, mai left hand se khelunga. . both girlzz: Haan. yupee Phir thik hai.:DD The joke still doesn't end. . Dono obviously haar jate hai aur ladka whan se chala jata hai. girl 1: Badi sharmanaak baat hai, yaar. Left hand se bhi hara diya usne. girll 2 (thoda sochne k baad ): Abe bewkoof bana gaya woh hume. . . . . girl1: Kaise? girl 2: Saala lefty hi hoga kamina .... :-) :-P :-P

.                     /¯/)                      /¯  /                    /    /              /´¯/'   '/´¯¯`•¸           /'/   /    /       /¨¯\         ('(   (   (   (  ¯~/'  ')          \                 '     /           \                _.•´             \              (               \             \ Once a guy donated blood to his girlfriend. After Breakup  - "Mera khoon mujhe waapis karde saali" Girl throws her whisper on his face - "Le kutte, aaj se tera monthly EMI Shuru"

Ek baccha muskurate huye paida hua. Nurse: kyun has rahe ho..??  bache ne muthi kholi aur I-Pill ki goli nikal kar dikhai or bola..........   DON ko maarna mushkil hi nai namumkin hai!!!!!!

MAN's Depression - Business Slow Chal raha hai.. - Payment nahin aa rahi hai.. - Credit card ka bill pay krna hai.. - Family ki demands poori krni hai... WOMAN's Depression - Profile Pic. change kiye 15 minute ho gaye.....abhi tak ek bhi like ya comment nhi aaya hai.... :( pata nahi sabko recent Updates mein dikh raha hai k nahi......

TV reporter ne 1 zakhmi se pucha jab bomb gira tab kya wo zor se phata? ZAKHMI (Gusse se):Nahi kutte wo rengta hua mere pas aya or sharma ke bola Dhuduuuumm..

3 sardar picnic par gaye wahan jaakar yaad aaya "PEPSI" to ghar par bhul gaye... Decide kiya k sab se chota sardar jakar pepsi le aye... Chhota sardar: "Mai ek shartt par jaunga Tum dono, mere aane tak samose nahi khaoge.." Dono ne kaha thik hai .. .. .. Din guzar gaye Chhota sardar nahi aya.. Din guzar gaye Chhota sardar nahi aya.. Dono ne sochha ke ab samose kha lene chahiye.. Jaise hi samosa uthaya.. chhota sardar ped ke pichhe se nikal ke bola.. "Aisa karoge toh mai nahi jaunga...!!!!!"

Sardar 2 hotel Receptionist in the midnight- I heard, U are providing Free Wife in the room? Receptionist: Sorry Sir, Its not "Free Wife" Its "Free Wi-Fi"!

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Nazar ko nazar ki khabar na lage, Koi accha bhi is kadar na lage, Aapko dekha hai bas us nazar se, Jis nazar se aapko nazar na lage…!

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.

How long will you be special to me? As long as the stars twinkle in the sky, As long as angels are there up high, Till the ocean run dry and till the day i die.

Fauji's wife daily sends her nude photo with both legs wide open ... "Janu, I'll wait like this till you come!" Fauji: Wo to theek hai, par photo kaun kheench raha hai??

Boy 2 his gf: Kaash me tumhe dekhu, Jb tum kapde Utaro, . . Jo dale the TaaR pe sukhne k liye, . . Aur Tum Haath me pakdo mera . . "Haath" Fir kaho,Mene Tumhare liye kholi Hui Hai apni- . . "Baahe" Ab to lelo meri . . "Har Khushi" Or mujhe dedo apna . . "Har Gum" Fir me dhire se kholu tumhari . . "Eyes" aur kahu Dekh kitna Bada h mera . . . "DIL" Fir me Tumhari Tango ko Uthau or dalu apna . . . "LUND" Bhai,Har baar majak nahi hota.