Seeing a spider isn't too much of a problem.
It becomes a problem when it disappears
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My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that make you cry.
So I threw a coconut at his face.
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Sleep is my drug
My bed is my dealer
And my alarm clock is the police.
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I hate when I'm trying to pull the blankets up and I end up punching myself in the face.
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The best way to tell someone you don't like them is to text them "370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.
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Jesus can walk on water .... I can walk on cucumbers ... Cucumbers 96% water. Me: 96% jesus .. ;)
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I love it when the laugh is funnier than the joke :)
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I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero