Best Funny Jokes - Latest Hindi English Jokes

A survey conducted among women gave the below results.  'A' were the answers given by un-married women  and  'B' are the answers given by married women  Sure marriage gives a lot of maturity to women 1. What is the one thing that pierces a woman hard, when she hugs a man A. P***s B. Unshaved facial hair 2. What is the most painful experience during sex A. Beginning of Intercourse  B. When my hair gets entangled 3. How long does an intercourse last A. around one hour  B. just about 6 mins 4. One thing that a woman hates about sex A. risk of pregnancy  B. the cleaning up 5. What do men hate most in a woman's body A. body odour / unwanted hair / flab B. menstruation 6. Which is the one part of woman's body that can get her into trouble A. P***y B. Tongue 7. What is the one quality that a man likes in a woman  A. Simplicity/Intelligence/ Understanding B. Cooking ...

Who is a Girl ??? A Girl is the most Beautiful part of God's creation. She starts compromising at a very tender age. She sacrifices her chocolates for her brother. Later she sacrifices her love for just a smile on her parents face. Then After Marriage . . . . . She takes revenge of all things from her Husband

🙏।। बाबा रण्डीचोत का उपदेश ।।🙏 तीन चीजें जिंदगी में एक बार मिलती हैं 1) लण्ड 2) जवानी  3) पहली चुदाई। -------------------------- तीन चीजें सोच-समजकर उठाओ, 1) हथौड़ा  2) लौड़ा  3) दारु संग सोड़ा -------------------------- तीन चीजें सोचकर करो, 1) दोस्त की विदाई  2) खेत में खुदाई  3) पड़ोसन की चुदाई  -------------------------- तीन चीजें किसी का इंतजार नहीं करती, 1) रण्डी की चूत 2) बिगड़ा हुआ पूत 3) आता हुआ मूत -------------------------- तीन चीजें छोटी न समझो, 1) म्युचुअल फण्ड 2) आती ठण्ड 3) सोया लण्ड  -------------------------- तीन चीजें हमेशा दर्द देती है,  1) कुँवारी चूत  2) डाकू की लूट  3) अटका हुआ मूत  -------------------------- तीन चीजें हमेशा आपको खुश रखेगी, 1) चोदने की खुमारी 2) भोजन की तैयारी  3) मेरी यारी  -------------------------- जय बोलो बाबा रण्डीचोत की

Santa & Banta ne 1-1 Ghoda kharida. . . . Dono Ne Socha Ki, "Ghode 'CHANGE' na ho jaye, isliye koi nishani rehna chahiye". . . . Santa ne apne Ghode ki punchh kaat di.✂✂ Unke mohalle ke bachche bade shararti the, unhone Banta ke Ghode ki bhi punchh kaat di. .✂✂ . . Santa ne Ghode ka 1Kaan kaat diya,✂✂ toh bachchon ne Banta ke Ghode ka bhi 1Kaan kaat diya. .✂✂ . . Santa ne 2nd Kaan kaat diya, bachchon ne bhi Banta ke Ghode ka 2nd Kaan kaat diya.✂✂ . . . Santa ne apne Ghode ki 1Taang kaat di, bachchon ne Banta ke Ghode ki bhi 1Taang kaat di.✂✂ . . . Santa ne 2nd Taang kaati toh bachchon ne bhi 2nd Taang kaat diye. .✂✂ . . Santa ne 1Aankh fhod di, bachchon ne bhi Banta ke Ghode ki 1Aankh fhod di.😱😱 . . . Santa ne 2nd Aankh fhodi toh bachchon ne bhi 2nd Aankh fhod di. . . . Pareshan hokar Santa ne apne ghode ke saare Daant ukhaad diye toh bachchon ne bhi...

Boy: Sweetheart, I Have Two Tickets Of English Movie Wanna Come? Girl: Which Movie? Boy: Condom Of Shailesh Girl : You Idiot Its Quantum Of Solace.

Mene usko dono hatho se bade pyar se pakda, Fir dhire-dhire dabaya, fir toda uper uthaya, fir gol-gol gumaya, Fir bade pyar se litaya, thoda uper se dabaya fir bade pyar se khaya . . wah . . kya mast roti bani ti. apko roti achi lagi to, LIKE karo na..

subway surfers is a perfect example of "kanoon ke haath lambe hote hai" no matter how far you're that cop will catch you definitely

Super Sex! Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go out to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him that he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening?" So Superman did his super-thing in a split-second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said, "Did you hear something???" "No," said the Hollow Man, "but my ass hurts like hell..!!!"

In this world, anyone can copy your "CREATIONS" But no one can copy your "TALENT" Your attitude is your identity.

ना हम शैतान से हारे... ना हम हैवान से हारे... जो आया तूफान... ना हम उस तूफान से हारे...  यही सोच कर ऐ दुश्मन हमने तेरी जान बक्शी है... शिकारी तो है मगर हमने कभी कुत्ते नहीं मारे.. Gn....

Tere Pyar Ki Hifazat Kuch Iss Tarah Karnenge  Tere Haatho Me Apne Haath Ka Aur Labon Apne Labon Ka Pehra Rakhenge,

Ek Nayi Aayi Lady Teacher Ne Class Ke Baccho se Unke Maa Baap Kya Kaam Karte Hai Pocha Ek Choti Ladki ne Bataya Ki Uski Mummy Doctor Hai Golu Ne Bataya ki Uske Papa Engineer Hai Ab Pappu ki Baari Thi Vo Khada Huva Aur Bola Ki Uski Mummy Call Girl Hai :D Teacher Bahot dayalu Thi usse Pappu Par Bahot Daya Aa rahi thi ussne Pappu Ko Principal Ke Pass Bhej Diya :D 15min Baad Jab pappu Vapas Aaya To Teacher Ne usse Pocha - Tumne Principal Ko Apni problem Batayi Beta?? Pappu - Ha batayi Teacher - Kya Kaha Unhone ?? Pappu - Unhone muje choclate Diya Aur Meri Mummy Ka Mobile Number Manga :D :D

An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted.  When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared.  Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates.  But the Chinese covered his face and the trio ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the  American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face rather than his private part. The Chinese replied, "I don't know about you....... but in my country,it's the face that people recognise !!!

A girl tried to look cool on facebook after geting her driving licence... Status: "Huuuush...finally got my fucking licence" . . 1000 likes . She is still wondering why people are so happy for her driving licence

Whenever i watch Iron Man i try to talk to my computer.. then i remember that my "JARVIS" works with a freaking mouse and keyboard...!! World is so unfair..

आजकल के पावर कट पे, गालिब फरमाते है... यूंही अन्धेरे में खड़ा कर के सोये थे गालिब, कोई भोसड़ी का मोम्बती समझ के माचिस लगा गया ।

My mom should get awarded for being sarcastic.  Me- mumma woh subah bengan ki sabzi mein namak thoda jyada ho gya tha.  Mom- nahi beta, sabzi namak ki thi galati se usme bengan girr gya hoga.  Me-:(

- ये सूखा अंदर जाता है और गिला बाहर आता है! पहले छोटा होता है, फिर ये मोटा होता है! जब ये अंदर रहता है तो ये रेड कर देता है, थोड़ी देर हिलाने के बाद जब इसे बाहर निकालो तो अपने काम दिखा कर ये बेजान सा बाहर आता है! कुछ और नहीं इस को लिप्टन टी बैग कहते हैं! - लड़की आज मत डालो! लड़का क्यों? लड़की कल तुम डाल के सो गये बहुत दर्द हुआ, मैं पूरी रात मसलती रही और पानी भी निकलता रहा मुझे लगता है ये आई ड्रॉप बेकार है. - "एक बार करो न प्लीज़, किसी को पता नहीं चलेगा, प्लीज़ करो ना, मुझे अच्छा लगेगा, एक बार हमारी दोस्ती की खातिर, कर दो न प्लीज़, एक प्यारा सा एस एम् एस! " - तेरी सुला के लू, या बिठा के लू? या तुझे करू खड़ा, या फिर तेरी झुका-झुका के लू? अब तू ही बता कि मैं तेरी फोटो कैसे लू? - उसने कहा दबाओ, मैंने दबाया! उसने कहा और दबाओ, मैंने और दबाया! उसने कहा बनियान निकल दो, फिर दबाओ, मैंने फिर दबाया! उसने कहा पेंट भी निकाल दो, फिर दबाओ, मैंने फिर दबाया! देखा हो गया न सूटकेस बंद! - इंसान जब पहली बार डालता है, तो उसे डर लगता है! मगर तुम न घबराना और डाल देना! तुम जैसे ही ...

Whatsapp chat of bollywood.. Katrina- hii Priyanka- bol,  Katrina- lets go london in weekend✈ Kareena- aa gai aukaat mei sali, foriegner ki bachi Katrina- Deepika-tu hi jaa, aur ranbir ka picha chod de Priyanka-kareena ko kaun add kiya Saif- mei kiya, kya kar legi Sahid- gussa mat kar priyanka Priyanka- tu chup reh kareena k chamche Kareena- jalo mat barabari karo Sahid- saif teri toh mei pungi bha junga Saif left. Priyanka left. Srk- mujhe jungli billi bahut pasand hai Salman- toh jungle mei reh harami Aamir- mannat mere naam kar dena bhai Srk-chup be bikhari Katrina- koi london chalega Anushka- mei chalu☺ Deepika- chii anu, tu iske sath jaegi Katrina- 8976540900 joined Anushka- ye kaun hai Salman- virat kohli Anushka left. Salman was removed. Akshay- Srk tu toh india chod de, modi pm ban gaya hai Srk- haa bhai pakistan jaa ra hu Aamir- acha hai, tera baap bhi toh waha rehta hai na Srk- Akshay-lol ...

मैं उन दिनों अपने चाचा के यहां आई हुई थी। मैं एम ए की छात्रा थी। चाचा बिजनेस के सिलसिले में कुछ दिनों के लिये दिल्ली गये हुए थे। चाची घर पर ट्यूशन पढाती थी। चाची का नाम सुमन था। उनकी उम्र 35 वर्ष की थी। उसके पास कोलेज दो के छात्र पढने आते थे। रवि और सोनू नाम था उनका। दोनो ह ी 20 - 21 वर्ष के थे। मुझे पहले दिन से ही वो हाय हेल्लो करने लगे थे। उन दोनों से मेरी जल्दी ही दोस्ती हो गयी थी। ऊपर का कमरा खाली था सो सुमन उन्हे वहीं पढाया करती थी। एक बार जब सुमन ट्यूशन पढा रही थी तब मैं किसी काम से ऊपर कमरे में गयी। जैसे ही मैं कमरे के पास पहुचीं तो मुझे सिसकारी की आवाज सुनायी पडी। मैं सावधान हो गयी। तभी मुझे फिर से हाऽऽय की आवाज सुनायी पडी। मैने धीरे से खिडकी से झांक कर देखा। वो लडके सुमन की चूंचियां दबा रहे थे। स ुमन ने पेन्ट के ऊपर से ही एक का लन्ड पकड रखा था। सुमन बार बार आनन्द से सिसकारियां भर रही थी। मैं दबे पांव पीछे हट गयी और नीचे उतर आई। मेरे सारे शरीर में सनसनी फ़ैल गयी थी। मैं अपने कमरे में आकर बिस्तर पर लेट गयी। मेरी सांसे तेज चल रही थी। मेरे मन में उत्तेजना भरने लगी थी। मुझसे रहा नह...

Best ONE Till Date.. Married couple at a Zoo walks past a gorilla enclosure. Says the woman: 'Mark, Do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior? Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts 2 it & see how horny it gets just as men do.' Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla gets excited and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free. 'See,' says the woman, 'Now, I know why you react the way you do; men can't control their animal instincts just like gorillas can't.' Says Mark: 'Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens.' The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure. Says Mark: 'This is incredible, now, pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum and let us see what happens!' The woman p...

A new army captain inspected the soldiers in their barracks.  He noticed a female horse.    Captain: what’s that horse for?     Soldier: our men use her if they feel an urge to have sex.    Captain: ah, it is ok.    (One night, the captain feels an urge, so the soldier brought the horse to his tent. the captain fucked the horse. after that, he saw the soldier smiling Outside his tent)    Captain: it’s so hard! How do you do it?     Soldier: we ride on the horse to the next town where the girls are.     Captain: son-of-a-bitch!!!

What are the first three words that Sunny Leone speaks every morning ?? Jaago grahak jaago -------------------------------------- Breaking News In next IPL, Sunny Leone will have her own team Name.. Gang bang Bangalore ----------------------------------------- Sunny Leone creates history everyday,  it's we who delete it. "Clear history " X_X ----------------------------------------- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar & SunnyLeone share their birth dates.. One teaches the "Art of Living" and the other "Art of Loving"! ----------------------------------------

Love Marrige: Raat K Waqt Shohar: Paani Pilao Biwi Paani Lenay Gayi, Shohar Ko Neend Aa Gayi, Biwi Saari Raat Paani Ka Glass Pakde Khadi Rahi, Subah Shohar Ki Aankh Khuli To Dekh Kar Bohat Khush Huva Aur Bola! Maango Kya Maangti Ho? Biwi: Kamine Talaaq De. 

This is epic.... Laalu Yadav has heart attack, dies, goes to hell, Devil waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do." says Devil. "Ur on my list, but I have no room for you. As u definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go." "I got 3 folks here who weren't as bad as u. I will let 1 of them go, u hav to take their place. I let u decide who leaves!" Laalu agrees. Devil opened 1st room. In it was Sonia Gandhi & large pool of hot water. She kept diving in & climbing out, over & over. Such was her fate in hell. "No!' said Laalu. 'I'm not a good swimmer!" Devil led him to next room. In it was Mulayam Singh with a sledgehammer & room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No! I got problem wth my shoulder. I will be in constant agony if I had to break rocks all day." Devil opened 3rd door. Laalu saw Sharad Pa...

Fresh stocks of Rajni jokes are here..  Why does the needle of a Magnetic compass always point North? Because Rajnikant lives in south & nobody dares to point at him...! People Update Status Via BlackBerry, iPhone, iPad, Etc.. Rajnikant Updates Status Via Calculator... Reporter to Rajnikant: how many jokes have been made on you till now? Rajni: only 2 or 3. Reporter: only 2 or 3? Rajni: enna RASCALA! Rest all are facts! Rajnikanth's dog's house has a signboard on it, saying.. Maalik Se Sawdhan! Once Rajnikant Decided To Race With Time.. & The Result Is Time Is Still Running Rajnikant participated in 1000 m race and obviously he came first But EINSTEIN died after watching that Coz ... LIGHT came second... Galileo used 'Lamp' to Study, Graham bell used 'Candle' to study, Shakshpeare studied in 'Street lights' But ..... Do u know about Rajnikant......???? Only Agarbatti When Rajnikant was a student! You ...